I'm so sick.

I mean, I am SO SICK.

And I'm going to work.

So sick.

Ready?

Stupid Shit My Mom Said Today:

(I should just make a separate blog just for this)

I'm getting sick and she offered me some medicine. When asking me my symptoms I responded to her and she interrupted me:

Mom: "Maybe what you should do is be worrying about why your body isn't healthy enough to deal with a little bit of stress without getting sick. That's what you should be doing."

Then, when I was taking the medicine she had deliberately set out for me on the counter she said:

Mom: "You're not taking ALL of that, are you?"
Rose: "You said the medicine was on the counter. I was going to take what's here, yes."
Mom: "Oh."

Fucking shoot me.

peezeowt

Stupid Shit My Mom Said Today:

Mom: Gah. I had a total day from hell.

(long silent pause)

Me: I had a great day today, actually. A really great one. I don't have many great days, can I tell you about it?

Mom: Oh. Sure. Yeah, I wasn't talking or anything. It's all about you. Go ahead. Tell ME about YOUR day.

---------------

SO, sure as shit, I pulled up a chair and gave her every excruciating detail about how great my day was and how many kudos I got at work and how I got new responsibilities and everyone seems to love me and everyone was super nice to me and I couldn't get over how many times people praised me or said, "thank you."

You're goddamned right it's about me.

This is my new telephone answering machine message. I couldn't stand it any more.

This is (my phone number here). We don't need to refinance our mortgage, we don't need to consolidate any credit. We don't want to win a prize, we don't want to take a free trip, and we don't want to buy anything. For any other reason, please leave a message and we'll return your call. Thanks for calling.

Seriously.

(I know, I can't do the lyric thing when I post about my mom. If anyone has frustrated mom lyrics, feel free to comment and let me know. I'll use 'em.)

Mom: What are you doing tonight?
Rose: Going to S's house.
Mom: When do you get home?
Rose: Tomorrow after work.
Mom: (gasps like she just saw someone get run over by a truck)
Rose: What.
Mom: What do your animals do?
Rose: The dogs go in and out the dog door and live in air conditioned comfort. The cats, inside always, go into their room with food, water, a litter box, and a big soft cushy bed.
Mom: (gasps like she just saw someone get run over by a truck)
Rose: What.
Mom: That's terrible.
Rose: What's terrible?
Mom: You leave your animals alone for two full days and one night? That's neglecful. S. should come to you.
Rose: S. comes to me every weekend. He comes to my house for two days, I go to his house for one night.
Mom: He should come to you. You have obligations.
Rose: He comes to me.
Mom: That's neglectful. It's terrible. You have obligations.
Rose: (closes door and leaves)

And this woman wonders why I don't want to spend any time with her. I was at her house for five minutes. This was basically the whole conversation while I was there.

Amazing.

Seriously.

I can't stand it. I should make a book of all this shit and give it to her when I tell her next time "no," I don't want to do whatever...

Rose and her mother, having a conversation, after work on Tuesday:

Mom: "What are you doing tomorrow night?"
Rose: I'm going to S's house.
Mom: Because we should go exercise. We could walk the dogs or something.
Rose: I'm going to S's house.
Mom: Don't you think that would be fun? You don't work tomorrow night, do you?
Rose: I'm going to S's house.
Mom: It's not just that I want to spend time with you. I'm not gaining any weight but I'm not losing weight either. I need to add more exercise to my week.

** Rose's Note: My mother is about as big around as a McDonald's straw and plays tennis two or three times a week. If I sat on my mom, I'd probably kill her.

Rose: I'm going to S.'s house, we're going out to celebrate his divorce.
Mom: When you were here this weekend, your arms looked bigger to me. I want you to get your weight under control.
Rose: I haven't gained weight in at least three weeks, I'm adding exercise, and I'm watching what I eat for the most part. I'm working on it.
Mom: Yeah but you don't look like you're losing any weight.

(snip)

Rose: I'll be here earlier than normal, I have to pick up a cake in the morning.
Mom: What?!
Rose: I have to pick up a cake at Safeway.
Mom: Why do you need cake?
Rose: It's for work, for that important meeting I was telling you about.

** Okay, here's where it gets really stupid.

Mom: Why the hell do YOU always have to be the one to handle the food? I think it's just DISGUSTING that they would have YOU be the one who has to go buy the cake or that YOU would be the one who orders the lunch. I think it's just AWFUL that they have YOU doing all the stuff with food. That makes me sick.

Rose: I live half a mile from Safeway. We get cakes from Safeway. I told 'em I'd stop in and pick it up.
Mom: Yeah, but who ordered it?
Rose: Me.
Mom: Disgusting.

This is what I deal with, day in and day out. And this woman wonders why I don't want to FUCKING SPEND ANY FUCKING TIME WITH HER FUCKING EVER!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S. is divorced.

Officially. Legally. For reals.

And he's going to spend the weekend with me to celebrate.

RAWK!

I can't resist. More fun searches on google for me.

Mexican Maids Getting Naked For Their Bosses
Honey And Ingrown Hairs ... That's an odd dessert combination.
Squeeze My Ingrown Hair Bump More Than One Hair Came Out ... ew. Just... ew.
Can Wife Extort Me In Order To Get Me To Pay Her IRS Bill? ... hm. Long. Quite long. Lots of words.
And... just plain old... Heavier Than.

That's me, you know.

Heavier Than.

Sundays suck.

This weekend was really great. Went non-stop and went like crazy but got a lot done and spent the whole thing with S. We went out on Friday night and had dinner with the gaming group at a great little Italian place in Phoenix, and then met up with a friend after that. They were going to see the Hulk but we couldn't/didn't go. S. was on phone recall all weekend so chances were, we'd buy our tickets for the movie and he'd get phoned. Murphy's law.

Always nice to spend time with one of your best friends, but doubly nice when it's his first time meeting your boyfriend. We saw a great band in a good bar that wasn't nearly as packed as we thought it was going to be, and I now remember why I don't spend money going out to the bars - it was way too easy to go through $100.00 way too fast. Fun but... ugh.

Then Saturday we got up and took S's car to the dealership so they could work on it some more (and ultimately tell us it still wasn't finished)... met with part of the gaming group and played card/board games, which was fun, until 2:30pm when we went back to get the car. Then we did a little bit of running around, and went to Solstice Circle with a group of Pagans that we've been spending some time with. It was really a great time and it's always such a blessing to be able to connect on a spiritual level with people who are like-minded. This is a really great group and both S. and I love being around them so we're going to keep going as long as they're going to keep having us.

Went to Applebee's after Solstice Circle and had one too many margaritas (2) and ate a little too much food, but it was reverse happy hour and it was cheap as hell. I think we got out of there for $20 or something plus tip for the waitress (who was great) and we were so full we couldn't move. Thank you, half price appetizer gods! Yum.

Sunday was a lazier day. S. and I talked about a *LOT* of things on Sunday, among them that when he gets sent off to school I may very well take his stuff for him and just 'store' it until he gets back. The interesting twist to that scenario is, apparently, that when he comes back from school, when he comes 'home,' this... this house... might be home. I can't wait.

I was laying in bed last night and was talking to him before I hit the sack and we were talking about Tuesday being his court date for his divorce. I said, "Don't forget to give me a call when it's all done." "Why," he asked, "so I can reassure you that you're legitimate, now?" I said, "Yeah, just tell me I'm no longer an adulteress homewrecker, would you?" We both laughed. And then I said, "Sundays suck. I miss you already."

He just said, "Soon."

How soon is now?

Okay, I'm sorry I haven't updated. Lots of things going on.

1) My mom is making me insane. Shit My Mom Said: "I don't understand why you're leaving work early." (after I told her I was leaving at 4:15 because I was in at 7:15 and my boss doesn't let me work overtime. "Why are you taking another day off?" (after I told her my second job didn't have any work for me two nights this week, it's a light week). "Don't leave me alone this weekend." (after I told her S. and I were real busy Friday and all day Saturday.

2) S. got his school approved! He's going to be crosstraining into network administration and will be spending 3 months at beautiful Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS starting in January. He's still in a deployment window so he could theoretically get deployed somewhere between now and then, but we have our fingers crossed. I have a lot of things to say about this, but I will have to get back to you.

3) I'm playing TRADEWARS again! And I love it. Ever played it? Anyone ever played it? More about this, also, later.

4) S. and I are going to Solstice Circle with a local Pagan group on Saturday and we are both very excited. This is like Pagan Church but it's not that organized and it's much more rewarding.

5) I miss my nephew.

6) S. gets to meet my friends from my gaming group tonight. He's being a very good sport about all of it.

7) I'm going to read tarot cards today for my boss.

8) S.'s soon to be ex wife is up to something and I can't put my finger on it. She phoned him and asked him who it was that lives at (my address, my street). Seems she got ahold of the cellular phone records and did a little reverse lookup on me. I'm extremely private with my private information and this has me totally creeped out. In addition she also emailed him and basically asked him if they can both still be friends (uh, no? I hope. Selfish.) and how she's sorry for the "stunts" she pulled recently. Yes, kiddies, something's up. I've been around enough manipulative psycho bitch women to know when someone's feeding someone else a line, and this is one of the most intricate lines of bullshit I've seen in a while. Can you tell I'm TOTALLY comfortable with it? Fuck.

More later when I have more time. Only reason I'm doing this right now is that I'm waiting for my boss to come out of a meeting that I desperately need her to come out of, as I can't proceed on my project until I talk to her. Gah.

Seriously.

More searches:

Lump Under Armpit Hurts (I can sympathize!)

Armpit Ingrown Hair (I can still sympathize!)

Home Remedy Ant Killer (did I kill ants?)

One Whiskey, One Scotch, One Beer (Yeah, we're drinkers)

Keep googling! At least no shit fetishists today.

So as you may or may not know, I'm Pagan.

I need to ask for mojo now. Juju. Happy wonderful energy from anyone who can spare it.

I'm at the end of my rope.

S. has been in a pissy mood now for a week and a half, going on two weeks. He's just not himself. I don't get it. And the more I try to figure it out the more frustrated I get.

I just want to make him happy. I just want him to be happy in his life and receive the blessings that he is entitled to. I just want him to like himself, and love me, and be okay with his life. Of course, I'd rather he think his life would be ten times better if he could spend all of it with me (selfish selfish) but at the very least it would be nice to see him smile again.

He's under so much stress and pressure, from every direction. And there is NOTHING I can do about it. NOTHING. I can't do ANYTHING. And it's starting to drive me completely insane. I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating right, I'm guzzling coffee like there's no tomorrow, and I can't seem to keep my head straight. I just took on two new projects at work to try to keep my mind off the fact that S.'s mind is unhappy.

I don't know what to do.

I feel disconnected from him in a way. I feel like he's not letting me into all the turmoil that's in his head because he doesn't want to burden me with it or trouble me with it. I feel like he's trying to "spare me" what he's going through. And then he asks me what's wrong and I just say "I don't know" or "I don't know if I want to talk about it."

Please, if anyone can spare some peace, you could send it the direction of Phoenix, Arizona. There's two anxious, stressed out, wound up Pagans out here that could use it.

The Comedy Is That It's Serious

So there's a new girl at work. I really like her. She's very, very tall, and I can't seem to get over that. Heh. She's younger than I am and she's very, very nice, and she's going to do great in the job she's in. We seem to be alike in a lot of ways so far, and that's interesting. Our boyfriends even have the same name. I'm going to like her.

I'm still getting along really well with my boss, she told me today that I'm her "buddy." She's confided some things in me that lead me to believe she might not be with the company very much longer, and I'm really disappointed about that. Frankly, I can't see how we're going to be able to function if her life takes her in a different direction. But at the asme time I really, really like her and I want her to be happy in her life.

I outed myself as a Pagan to her the other day at lunch and she took it really well. Her husband is in a very naturopathic type business and there are LOTS of Pagans and earth-oriented people in the industry, so it wasn't that surprising to her. I think she thought I might have been anyway. But it'll help her understand if/when I take weird days off, now. Heh.

Maybe I'll start wearing my pentacle to work.

I've text-messaged S. twice today and he hasn't responded. I wonder what he's up to. He smoked yesterday at the crash site. "Everyone was doing it." I know it's a struggle for him but I still feel bad when I know he's been smoking. I want him to be okay.

And although I ate enough for two people at dinner yesterday completely out of stress and anxiety and comfort-seeking, for some reason I feel like I have the right to feel bad when I find out he's struggled against his addiction. I'm busting my ass but i have my slip-ups with food, and he's trying hard but he has slip-ups with nicotine. I have to be more supportive, I think.

Is it Friday yet?

Oh... Shit My Mom Said To Me Today: So far, nothing. But I haven't talked to her. I also didn't really talk to her yesterday. She just gave me one of those disappointed eye-rolls when she found out I was taking Tuesday night AND Wednesday night off work from my 2nd job.

I swear to God/dess, I should start a little "feature" of this blog that is just called, "Shit My Mom Said To Me Today."

For example:

Sunday: "Your house is going to start falling apart around you and soon you'll owe tens of thousands of dollars on it, have no recourse, and sell it at a huge loss."

Monday: "If you ever want a family of your own, you need to find a good man and fall in love." This was quickly followed up with, "Don't get me wrong, S. is a good guy and everything... but are you sure he's not just on the rebound?"

Tuesday: This takes a little background. If I show up at my mom's in the morning to drop something off or for any reason, then I always have to hear about what a rush she's in, how I'm going to make her late, how she's got to hurry up and get going. "Get to the point," she will say, or "I can't stand around and dilly dally with you." So. This morning I showed up at 7:10 to her house and she was in her pajamas. "Running late?" I asked. "No," she said, "Your sister called and I just got jibber jabbering. I just got off the phone with her." So when I said, "Oh, well, I'll get out of your hair, I've got to try to get to work early anyway," she looked at me like I was being rude and shook her head and turned around and walked away.

Oh, and let's count Thursday of last week. "Do you ever wash your hair?"

Seriously.

I'm tired of being tired.

S. has been in the pissiest, grumpiest, most so-not-fun mood lately and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should stay out of his way, try to help, be supportive, shut the fuck up, put out, give up, talk, not talk, smile, not smile, touch, not touch, it's just all very frustrating for me. I feel very helpless, and overall I'd have to say I'm liking his mood, not so much.

My mother was amazingly rude to me this morning and told me if I wanted to ever have kids of my own I had to "get off the stick and find a good man and fall in love," and then went so far as to say "Don't get me wrong, I like S. just fine and I think he's a great guy, but you guys don't act like you're in love." Like my mother, who hasn't had a fruitful relationship since she divorced my father when I was 12 years old (for those of you counting, that's 21 years) knows anything any more about falling in love or what it's really like. My sister had love for her husband but she married him for security and his level of success and because he could help her get the things in her life that she wanted, not just because she was madly in love.

If S. asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd buy two tickets to Vegas and hop a plane and we'd come home hitched.

For love.

Not that he's asked or that I would expect him to, his divorce is finally final on 6/24 and I know he's in no position to even think about stuff like that. But that's how positive I am that I'm in love.

So that was a fun morning, and when I finally stood up for myself to my mom and told her she couldn't talk to me that way and reminded her that she better start treating me nicer since I'm the only kid she's got left in the city and no one else is here to hang out with and be her child, I turned on my heels and stomped out to my car ready to make a dramatic exit and speed down the road so she could call me later, tears in her eyes, apologizing for how poorly she treated me...

... and my battery in the Rodeo was dead as a doornail, and then I had to go back in her house and ask if I could stay there while I waited for the AAA guy to come and give me a jump.

How's that for the Worst. Timing. Ever

God dammit, that was supposed to be my thunder, that was my moment. And what do I end up doing? Thanking her for being so kind as to let me sit on her couch for 90 minutes and wait for the AAA guy with his little battery charger.

Fuckers.

So, that was my day, plus now I have to make up two hours this week at work. Joy.

So anyway, S. is in a bad mood, I want sex, my fish looks like he's on his last legs (as it were, since fish don't really have legs), I'm tired, I'm overworked, I'm trying to be good on my diet, I destroyed a perfectly good half-a-bag of potato chips in the name of combatting bulemia and binge eating disorder since I shouldn't have had them here anyway and was going to tear into them if I didn't destroy them, it's all very strange.

I'm just tired of being tired.

I don't know how to handle S's mood, either, and it's very frustrating. I want to fix everything for him and make it all better, but I honestly can't quite even figure out what in the world it is that's making him so worked up.

I just want a good, peaceful life. That's all I want.

I want a peaceful life where my parents don't tell me I'm a piece of shit, and where I don't beat myself up for my boyfriend's bad mood, and where everything's just... quiet and nice.

When do I get to have that?

Okay. Some things I can believe.

But that someone searched on Google for SHITTING FETISH and pulled up my blog...

That's just gross.

Seriously.

What a week. What a weekend.

Friday morning, my sister and her family left for their major life changing trek to Pennsylvania. So, Friday night, S. came on out and we catered to my mom's every whim. She needed someone to keep her company so we said we'd go by there, have some dinner (salad) and rent a movie and hang out with her. So we rented About Schmidt and Charlie's Angels since neither of us had seen either one of those, if you can believe it, and trekked over to her house. After dinner we settled in for the flick and my mom fell asleep.

What she did not know is that we had carefully orchestrated a back-up plan of getting out of there some time mid evening and going and meeting Christopher for sushi and a beer, which was being held up as long as she was snoring away in the damned movie - but of course when I'd say "Hey Mom, you're sleeping," she would jolt awake and say, "No! I'm not!"

By the end of the movie, S. was asleep, my mom was asleep, and I was rewinding the film - we woke her back up and she went to bed, and thought we were too, but instead we went to the Wasabi Room and had a spicy tuna roll and a yellowtail roll and a couple of sake bombers and hung out til about 12:30. THEN we went home and went to bed.

Saturday was run-around day. Got up lazily, took S's car to the dealership for some warranty work, got breakfast, did some shopping (Marshall's, Guitar Center, Famous Footwear) ate lunch, farted around the 99-cent store, got a haircut, picked up his car, and passed out for a "nap" on the couch Saturday late afternoon that ended up being about four hours' worth of sleep. I guess we both needed it.

Sunday was "Work Around Rose's House Day," which was nice. S. climbed up on my roof and checked out my cooler to make sure it was all working fine, we went to Home Depot, had lunch, went to the pool store, and I finally got the pool completely ready to swim in. So, we swam in it.

Saw Bruce Almighty (which I keep wanting to call "Joe Almighty," which I think is because of "Mighty Joe Young," which is a movie I never saw) and it was pretty good. I could do without the Christian overtones but overall I guess the message was a good one, so that's all righty. My mom seemed to enjoy it too. Called my dad and told him happy father's day too.

My mom told me to sell my house because it's going to start falling apart, and I would never be able to make any money on it. My dad told me that I am getting too old to think about having children because they'll end up born retarded (I swear he said this to me) and that it wouldn't be fair to a child to have the child as I was getting on "later in life" because then they wouldn't have a normal life, but maybe I could adopt a child because "There's lots of kids out there" - just that I should adopt a child soon. Fucking gag me.

That's my supportive family. Incidentally the plan is not to immediately sell my house but S. is going to help me get done the little things I need to do, and then maybe I'll pay a contractor guy to do something else like fix my patio roof if I think it's too big of a pain in the ass for us to do together.

Yay, my family. Gotta love that shit.

S. was in a pissy bad mood, all weekend, but I think I did okay. I know it wasn't because of me. I just hope his mood gets a little better. First time really having to deal with extended bad mood, and didn't want to put my foot in my mouth or anything. I guess that's something I'll need to adjust to every once in a while. Human nature, can't expect him to be great and perfect all the time!

So as if it wasn't enough to try to get everyone caught up, I wanted to say hi to everyone who's reading who happens to come in from Joe's blog (see link to "Joe Cut The Shit" and T-Bone's blog "Texas T-Bone"), two guys who I'm getting to know and digging more all the time. If you haven't seen them yet you should check them out.

As for other people who wander in here from random internet searches, I'd like to know how I possibly manage to get rankings on google for:


Apple-Tini (I'm guessing this is sushi related)

Half Past A Monkey's Ass (quarter til his balls?)

the ever popular Bloody Phlegm,

my new favorite, Pompous Dickwad,

blogspot.com Swimming, for those of you who have laptops by the pool,

Strawberry-Tini and Sake Bomber (are we a bunch of drinkers, or what?)

Toilet Papering House Ideas (I'm the Martha Stewart of prankage),

... and finally, for those of you who are concerned about those annoying pests... Hunky Asses Tick Free.

Pompous Dickwad. I'm kind of liking that.

Seriously.

S. phoned me today.

"You're never going to guess - I never thought I'd say this," he stuttered, "but I'm craving sushi. I've been talking to (random air force guy) about it all morning."

"Really," I say.

"Yeah," he says. "It really sounds good. Is this ever going to go away?"

I almost said, "Luke. I am your father." I feel like I have converted him to the Dark Side. Come, S., be one with the sushi addicts of this world. Yearn for maguro and toro and sake (the fish, not the beverage) and sake (the beverage, not the fish). Revel in a rainbow roll. Chew on pickled ginger and feel the sweet, sweet burn of wasabi.

Seriously.

That's about how I feel lately. My brains are mush, man.

I've been so tired this last week or so, I can't even see straight. I mean, I've been like, get-a-quad-latte-at-2:30pm-or-fall-asleep tired. And it doesn't help that then after work, I get to come home and... WORK! Somewhere between 5pm and 11pm I catch my second wind and then I'm wide awake when I should be in dreamland.

All so I can get up at the butt-crack-of-dawn and start all over again.

S. is having the same problem and so is another dear friend of mine. I'm in the process of exchanging miracle sleep cures to see if they work. In the meantime, catching my second wind at 2pm would be a big help, but I don't think I'm going to be that lucky - at least not this week.

So S. got himself a new Cricket phone with unlimited minutes and text messaging, and we're using the shit out of the text messaging. So much so that I anticipated the higher demand and changed my cell plan to include a buttload of text messaging. It's easier than talking - for example he text-ed me yesterday when he tried to phone me at my desk and I wasn't there, and said, "Where are you?" I texted back and said something like, "Head up ass til 2:10, call then." Actually I didn't say that but it looks more entertaining than "Working front desk til 2:10, call then." Mimi Smartypants, I'm not. (Anyone else read her?)

I'm tired, man, tired, tired, tired.

So my sister and her family are - actually - really - finally - moving to Pennsylvania. I'm finding myself quite sad to see them go, and am looking forward to tonight when I will get to spend a little time with them at my mom's house. S. is going to try to come out too but at the rate things have been going, I don't know if he's going to be able to make it. I don't know if I'm even going to go out to his house tonight just because the whole going-to-my-mom's thing is going to keep me up part of the night and with no work for me on the 2nd job, it would be a nice time to try to catch up on some of my sleep.

I'm having a problem with my ankles, and I'm wondering if it's just becuase I'm fat. My ankles are swelling. Edema. They're fine all day long, and I get home and take off my shoes, and somewhere around 6:30pm it looks like I have two grapefruits attached to my ankles. It's really, really terrible. I can almost feel the skin stretched tight with all the fluid in my ankles. Then I take some Advil and put some Ben Gay or Aloe Vera or some other strange and wonderful remedy cream or crap on it, and I wake up in the morning and they're all right. Maybe I need to go buy myself some new work shoes that have some arch supports in them or something. I'm not sure why it's doing it, but it's starting to bother me while I transcribe the tapes at night, which is a bad thing. Anything that keeps me from making money is a bad thing.

I'm also tired of working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday nights, with the occasional Friday and Saturday thrown in there for good measure.

But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Okay, gotta go pay car insurance, stop by Starbuck's for a nice treat, and drop off this work I did last night.

Okay, freaks, which ones of you found this blog by searching for:

MAIDS THAT SUCK ON BOSS..... or

CONGESTED CHILD BLOODY PHLEGM... or

BERTOS ARIZONA ICE CREAM?

I had no idea. Apparently I am the #10 option for "Maids Suck On Boss" and I am the #10 option for "Congested Child Bloody Phlegm", and I am proud to point out that I am the #2 Google choice for "Bertos Ice Cream Arizona."

I would also like inform the world that I realized today, I am an unmarried - childless - workaholic - hard headed - stubborn - foulmouthed - dirty minded - adulteress - who drives a gas-guzzling SUV - lives in a less-than-completely-energy-efficient home - is in love with (and is having sex with) a married man - and who has a penchant for weekend cocktails to excess.

Bad Zoot. Naughty, naughty Zoot.

At least my blog isn't the #1 search result for "Detroit Hookers" like Daryl's... (www.tpoh.org)

But maybe it will be, now.

Oh, S. got his court date. 6/24/03. I'll be able to take one of those blazing faults off my list. Damn.

Well, another day, another dollar.

Things in my life have been a little odd lately. I mean, it's just crazy. Spent this weekend with S. and did some fun things. Saw Pablo Francisco at the comedy club the Improv on Friday with Christopher and his "new girl." She's young, wow, is she young. I mean he'd told me she was like 21 years old but I had no idea she was even going to LOOK so young. More power to him I guess. Here I've been all excited about landing me a younger man, and Christopher has to show up with someone so... YOUNG! Hah. Young enough, mind you, to have kind of a vacant look on her face through most of our "adult conversation." But he enjoys her company and that's what's most important.

Saturday we played Lunch Money with our friend Ron and hung out at the mall for a while and went to eat sushi. Yum, SUSHI! S. had his first sushi. He did real well. The texture of the nori was a little much for him right out of the box but he ended up enjoying it. I think the more he thinks about it in retrospect, the more he's deciding he enjoyed it. I've got to say I think he could take it or leave it when we left there, but now he's kind of proud of himself that he's done it, and he's getting ready to go back. So that's going to be good.

S. should have his court date any day from the powers that be, regarding his divorce. We were hoping it would have come this weekend but no such luck. They told him on Friday that they were "putting it in the mail today," so maybe it'll show up today, Monday. Ya just never know, I suppose.

Having another whole weekend wiht S. was really amazing and good and fun, and I greatly enjoyed it. I so like our time together, it means so much to me it's just really incredible. I didn't game this weekend and have to find out if they gamed or not, but I didn't miss gaming at all this weekend. We just enjoyed each other so much. Our time together is so important.

S. got a new Cricket phone this weekend and we played with it for a while on Sunday and got it all programmed and stuff. I'm kind of excited about that because it means we're going to be able to be in a little more touch during the days and it gives me a way to always reach him. His ex turned off the cell phone (after making him sign an agreement to maintain the cell account until July) and left him basically without a cell, which is bad in his line of work (and bad for having a girlfriend who lives 35 miles away). So I was happy to see him get his new phone. Text messaging, baby!

We also had some long, drawn out, relationship molding conversations. Every once in a while we have to do that, I think. It wasn't an argument or anything, it was just discussing some things that had been going on and how we were handling them and how we each thought we should be handling them. Sometimes you just have to have those conversations to make sure you're all on the same page. It's important. We're on the same page. Still. It's been five months and we are still thinking alike and I think that's truly fantastic.

My sister moves this week, to Pennsylvania. She's going to be staying (with husband and son) at my mom's house this week for a few nights, and since my mom lives real close to me, I'm going to be going ahead and going over there to visit her a little. I'm going to be real sad when she leaves. A part of me is almost going to be jealous, there she is with husband and family going on their great adventure of their lives, but a part of me is security-hungry and just wants to be here. It's a strange combination of feelings that tears at me from time to time. So anyway part of my week (and all of my next weekend) will be dealing with my mom, who will be dealing with them leaving.

S. just phoned to tell me that he didn't see a pair of black dress flats at his apartment, which means I'm missing a pair of shoes, which sucks moldy ass. Gah.

Gah.

I'm scratched up.

S.'s cat Noki is here with me again for a week or so. It seems they are doing some more improvements to his complex which would entail them being in and out of his apartment and working on his balcony. So we can't run the risk of (a) them finding Noki or (b) her getting out into the big bad world on her own, so instead she's at Chez Rose for another week.

Unfortunately, my two cats and she aren't getting along quite as well as I would have liked to see. Oh well, I suppose, this is something I have to learn to deal with. I've got her right now in my bedroom, where I will leave her for the next day or so. She'll have her own bathroom and litter box and food and water and a big window to the outside where she can watch the dogs and birds and pool and stuff, so that's going to be good. Maybe it'll calm her down a little bit. Since she's gotten here she's been pretty wound up.

She scratched me up this morning on her way into my room, as she growled and hissed and spat at me. Oh well. I guess sometimes even waht's best for us isn't our favorite thing.

I'm feeling better from my illness. A couple of my bosses are taknig me and my direct boss out to lunch today to thank us for everything we did with the clients in town last week, which was nice. My boss handed me a huge list of things the whole department has to do yesterday and I kicked ass on some of them, so I'm excited about that, too.

I took a stand with my friend from my gaming group yesterday, the one who doesn't want me to bring S. to gaming. She's pressuring me to pick when I want to come game next and I finally told her that as long as I have to pick - gaming - OR - S., that it's not going to be easy for me to select a date and time and I'm not going to be very willing to give up a whole day to do it. I know she's not going to understand. Now don't get me wrong, I like her just fine. I do. I like her a lot, actually. But sometimes her perceptions of things aren't fair. She went on two dates with her husband and moved in with him. They've never really been apart. So they have lots of "me time" where they go and do things on their own and their relationship is really healthy in that regard. But. One of the reasons they like gaming, and one of the reasons why she was invited to join our gaming group (which I was the one that went looking for people to put the gaming group together a year ago) is so they could have something they enjoy doing together. She had never RPG'd before, and now she's RPG'ing, so they can have something they do together that they both like on their free time. And she's telling me I can't have that, by suggesting she would be uncomfrotable if I brought S. She's the only one in the group who said so, everyone else said, sure, bring S. So I'm just not going to sit back and idly watch it happen any more. I'm done. I want to game. I want to see S. I would like it if S. wanted, if he could explore the gaming thing and see if he liked it. But if that can't happen then my hands are tied.

I lost a nail yesterday. Right pinky. Hurts like a motherfucker.

My appetite is back. I think I ate too much last night, as my stomach is doing some somersaults this morning. But at least I got my kitchen cleaned. Yay, me!

I'd better get in the shower. Peezeowt.

It is truly an interesting June. Everywhere I look, people have interesting stories to tell and things are happening all around. It's like there are cosmic shifts or something, and it's like a train you can either get on or have it leave you behind.

That's kind of how I feel, right now.

My mother, today, actually had the audacity to tell me that I don't seem like I'm very happy lately. Now I've been tired and a little hard on myself, but overall I have been happy. I love my new job and like the idea that I'm rising to a challenge every single day. My bosses like me and are trusting me with more and more responsibility every time I turn around.

I'm actually starting to get over the idea that the people where I used to work are treating me like I'm dead. I can't say that I really expected any of them to stay in contact with me, but I have been having some real problems digesting that some of the folks that I talked to every single day were people who just won't write me back. And it's not like I made one feeble attempt and then gave up - I emailed two or three times to each one before I decided I should probably just give up. It's like poison or something. No one wants anything to do with me because it would be career suicide. I guess. Or something. Either way, it kind of proves to me that most people on this planet aren't really who you think they are.

S. and I have been getting some real quality time together lately. The last two weekends, we have enjoyed pretty much the whole weekend together, which was amazing. We've done everything and nothing, spent time shopping, puttering around, working in the yard, working on his car, spending time with my family, we even saw a movie (Finding Nemo - very good). And the more time we spend together the more right we know this is. So many high hopes.

I told S. I was sure he was never going to look at me in quite the same way after he's seen me as the evil puking shitting sweating moaning crying death machine, but I suppose that would be the true test of a real relationship - whether or not they can see you half naked puking and dehydrated and wanting to crawl in a hole and die, and still love you. That's got to be a lot of it.

For weeks now I've been moping around talking about how I just want someone to take care of me. S. was by my side until about 4:30pm Monday afternoon. He didn't leave. He stayed right by my side, quite literally, until I felt better and he was sure I was okay. I just find that amazing.

My gaming group got together last weekend and it was a lot of fun - I emailed them all to let them know I wouldn't be able to game this weekend except maybe on Sunday and so they're going to go ahead and game without me. In a way I feel bad but in a way I don't. My priorities are with this relationship right now. Gaming is fun but if they're not going to let me bring S. with me, then I'm going to make the choices that allow me to have as much time with him as I possibly can while we have it. As it is we just spent our five month anniversary... under the premise that it's okay to celebrate something as hokey as a five month anniversary if you know you are going to celebrate more legitimate ones when you have to be apart from one another. I am not looking forward to him being gone for deployment or for school so I'll take whatever I can get right now. Period.

I'm tired. Have I mentioned that I'm tired?

Seriously.

I'm recovering.

This weekend had a lot crammed into it, among those things me getting sunburned, dehydrated, and spending half the night up puking on Sunday night. Thank God/dess S. didn't have to work on Monday, as he stayed up and took care of me and made sure I drank two quarts of Gatorade and held most of it down before he let me wander off to bed at about 4am. But I did have to call in to work yesterday, which wasn't the best thing in the world.

I think it's a combination of too much sun, too little water or other valid fluids, and I might have eaten something gucky at the family send-sister-off-to-Pennsylvania picnic. I'm a sucker for the macaroni salad. I've also been told by the lady I work for on the side that it sounds a lot like a vicious 12-hour stomach bug that's been going around.

Either way, I don't think I could have made it through this weekend without S. by my side, and it was really amazing.

Sorry I haven't written but I spent almost all day in bed yesterday sick. I'll try to write some more tonight. Suffice it to say, at least for right now, that things are going very well. I'm still madly in love. Now I just have to get dressed and on my way to work.