Welcome to my wonderful, terrible, soap opera sit-com world.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
I WENT TO THE DANGER ZONE
Ahem.
Four days ago: puked
Three days ago: headache, bordering on migraine
Two days ago: fainted
One day ago: insomnia
This morning: puking
I love this. Stress is so... rejeuvenating. Can we do this every day?
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A while ago I made a list of shit I needed to get done. I've taken a chunk out of it, but not the chunk I hoped:
- Clean the fridge on the patio.
- Dispose of food in the freezer
- Dispose of food in the fridge
- Take contents of the pantry to the food bank
- Box up altar and other witchy goodness
- Take bathroom shelf thingies to work for Julie’s daughter
- Call the charity to pick up other furniture
- Box up old Tupperware, Rubbermaid, et al, for the charity
- Spend time in garage going thru S.’s boxes of stuff
- Clean out “junk drawers”
- Figure out how I’m going to get all my clothes to Oklahoma
- Call the OB/GYN
- Go through plastic bins/tubs of old clothes to figure out what gets given away
- No fucking around with the clothes thing, if I haven’t worn it in two years it’s gotta go.
- Shred all the shit I’ve been meaning to shred.
- Pack up incense making supplies so they won’t leak all over everything.
- Clean off/clean out S.’s desk
- Clean off/clean out the dresser and armoire in the guest room
- Organize what legitimate helpful house-stuff there is in the workshop
- Call D. re whether he wants to buy my BBQ grill.
- Throw away anything in the garage that we can’t move with us.
- Get the truck washed.
- Start forwarding mail
- Get electric, gas, cable TV, phone, and water service disconnected as of 9/10
- Provide forwarding address to utility companies
- Get high speed internet transferred from here to there on 9/10
- Decide whether or not we are taking both queen size mattress sets
- Return one bed to Sue
- Dismantle my computer
- Clean out the office closet
- Clean out desk drawers
- Make sure all important paperwork is in a box to go with us in the trailer
- Go to the bank and pick up my debit card, goddammit
Hm. Doesn't look like I've done much. But I actually have done about ten other things that never made the first draft of the list. A girl has a right to change her mind, right?
Oh well.
Talked to my mom last night while I was in the middle of Shredding Festival 2004. My grandftaher isn't doing well. They took him off oxygen today - not expecting him to do particularly well, but hoping he would. He didn't, he quit breathing and they had to put him back on it. He also had some heart flutters. He did, however, squeeze my grandma's hand when she asked him to, although he's still unconscious. It makes it almost harder knowing that he's in there somewhere and can hear her/us, and this is a decision that's going to have to be made.
The doctors are not putting forth a lot of hope now. Since I'm not there I don't have all the information, but the way I understand it is, even under all the circumstances they would have hoped to have more progress than they are seeing now. So we are losing hope.
I don't want my grandma to have to be the one to make the decision. I don't want them to ask her if it's time to let him go, and I don't want her to make the decision that it's time to turn off machines or disconnect him from the contraptions that are, at least temporarily, giving him life. I think I speak for my whole family when I say I would much prefer that he pass away connected to machines instead of my grandma being put in that position. It sounds harsh and callous but it's something that is really weighing on my mind. I don't want my grandmother to wonder, ever, if there was something else that could have been done... if one more day would have made the difference.
So back to the original topic, my friend Nancy is coming over tonight to help me get thru some of this packing/sorting/crap. She's an angel, I tell you.
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Monday, August 30, 2004
HOW DO I FEEL?
Shanna asked me how I feel about everything that's going on and if I'm doing okay.
I suppose I'm all right. Like I wrote before, I am trying to find faith. I have a sound spiritual foundation but sometimes it's hard for me to believe that what happens REALLY is what's supposed to or the best thing or anything like that.
Amber makes the point, and it's a very good one, that my grandpa has lived a full life (he's 83). And he has. Unfortunately sometimes it's the selfishness that is inherent in humans that makes us want one more day, one more hour, one more minute with the people we love. I'm not trying to pick on Amber's comment, of course, just saying that as much as I'm happy for the life he's lived, sometimes we wish we knew the last time we saw the person was the last time we would see them.
So that's how I'm doing.
Waiting for a call to hear either a miraculous recovery OR to hear that the inevitable has passed, is rough. Couple that with the fact that I'm leaving a job that I LOVE and I have tons of things to get done at our house, plus plus plus. It just gets overwhelming.
I guess that's how I'm feeling. Overwhelmed. JUST moving across the country and closing on a house should be plenty enough for anyone, and it just seems that we are salt-and-peppered with more things than we'd care to deal with. Some folks say, "That's life." I agree. I've just lived a lot of life in the last year and a half or so. I'm ready to slow down. Hell, I would become a lady of leisure for a while if I thought that was going to be feasible.
So. I'm going to miss my grandpa, and I'm trying to get ready for what appears to be the inevitable. I'm trying to have some strength and some faith about it, and I'm trying to get to a place that I can look back on his life with a fondness and pride just as I will look forward to my new life with fondness and pride.
I feel like I'm trying to bail a sinking rowboat with a soup spoon.
But I'll be okay.
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I'd like to thank everyone for keeping us in their thoughts and/or prayers over this very difficult weekend. Here's the birds-eye view.
Friday my grandfather's surgery didn't begin until 3pm. The anesthesiologist had to take some extra time, because the risks were quite great. He was given a 40-60% chance that he wouldn't make it through the surgery or recovery, leaning towards 60%.
His surgery was four hours in all, and although the hip surgery appears to have been successful, we as his family are concerned because the orthopaedic surgeon claims the break in his hip was substantially old, as in already re-healed itself, and suggested over and over that my grandfather probably fell some time ago and never told my grandmother. Which leads us to the question, what about this fall in particular led my grandfather to have so much pain, and why did they go ahead with the surgery if it was an old break. The surgeon said he replaced the hip ball joint anyway as it should have been done, and straightened his legs to make sure they were the same length (my grandfather has walked with a limp for some time).
That was Saturday at about 7pm.
He hadn't started breathing on his own which was their primary concern. Since Saturday at 7pm, up until now on Monday at 6:30am, he has not started completely breathing on his own and they are unable to wake him up. His autonomic response has him shallowly breathing but he still needs the assistance of a ventilator. They are unable to rouse him or wake him at all.
My grandfather has a living will.
We are just waiting, now.
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
PLEASE THINK OF US
My mother and I are on our way to Flagstaff first thing in the morning tomorrow. My grandfather has been now given a 50%/50% chance of surviving the hip surgery which begins at 1pm. So we are going to go to Flagstaff so I can see him before his surgery.
Just in case he doesn't make it.
And either way, to be there for my mother and my grandmother.
I ache, every part of me aches. This is fucking not fun. Fucking NOT FUN. For some reason, this year the major crises in my life have taken place when my husband was gone and when my life was otherwise in upheaval. I suppose I will come through all of these trials and tribulations a stronger person.
It is teaching me that while I am spiritual and have what I thought was a good relationship with my God/dess, I am a person who does not have much faith. Perhaps that's because I feel like I was let down, faith-wise, multiple times in my life... but I'd better get ahold of some faith and hold on to it hard and tight.
I've never really lost anyone in my family. I lost one grandfather when I was 21 years old, but I hadn't seen him in nearly 10 years. So I was very sad but I wasn't as close to him as I am to my grandpa. The idea that even if he pulls through it, that I'll be 1000 miles down the road in a little over a week and if something else happened I wouldn't be here - for him - for my mom - for my grandma - for my family... this strange, burning need I have to be all things to all people seriously affects me.
Do you know that I was actually considering going in to work tomorrow for a good part of a day, because I didn't want to let THEM down either?
I'm having some issues. I have to learn that I can't be all things to all people 100% of the time. I have to learn that I can't be in three places at once, tending to everyone's needs. I can't always be the "superstar," I can't always be the expert, I can't always be the strong one. Interestingly enough, I have never perceived myself as a strong person although many people tell me I am. I have never considered myself to be the rock anyone should lean on, although I am most comfortable when there are people depending on me.
Grandpa, I love you, and if all I can do for you is to be there and hold your hand and tell you I love you one last time before you go into your surgery, that's what I'm going to do. I just pray that you'll make it through.
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From Antisocial Bitch.
Fifty things.
1. Your name spelled backwards: esoR
2. Where were your parents born? Minnesota and California
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Pictures of the new apartment
4. What's your favorite restaurant? SUSHI
5. Last time you swam in a pool? I have a pool. I own it. It’s in my back yard. Does that make it stupid when I answer, “It’s been over a year”?
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Yep, it was actually kind of a Christmas Pageant thing “back in the day” when public schools had actual Christmas pageants (shudder).
7. How many kids do you want? 2, maybe 3 if I become a sadomasochist
8. Type of music you dislike most? I don’t particularly like hip-hop/rap.
9. Are you registered to vote? You betcha. Kerry/Edwards 2004!!
10. Do you have cable? Yes, cable TV and cable internet.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Yes. And also a Vespa, although it was not pedal powered as I recall.
12. Ever prank call anybody? Does calling the guy you like and hanging up count? Or does that just make me a teenage psycho?
13. Ever get a parking ticket? No parking tickets, but I don’t park where you can get ‘em.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Shit no.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled. I lived in Alaska, which might be the farthest place, or Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
16. Do you have a garden? I do, and I am trying to figure out how to take it with me.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Bloom County rules.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes, and have considered entering myself in the running to sing it at the opening of a sporting event, but have never come up with the balls to do it.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning, bath at night. Or bath mid-weekend-afternoon. Baths are better with a nice glass of wine, which is not a 5:45am beverage.
20. Best movie you?ve seen in the past month? Office Space, for the zillionth time.
21. Favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms and onions.
22. Chips or popcorn? Chips. Crispy crunchy salty kettle cooked delicious oily chips
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? It’s this fabulous color called “This is the fucking natural color of my lips, so back off.”
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? What? What have I been missing? Dude, I’ve barely ever smoked anything.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No.
26. Orange Juice or apple? I rather like apple juice, it is less acidic. However, orange juice is better with vodka.
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? S. and I went out to dinner, that’s the last “out to dinner” I have been, and I believe we went to Macaroni Grill.
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Ritter sport dark chocolate with hazelnuts. Thank you, Cost Plus Imports and Luke AFB BX.
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Last municipal election, I think 1.5 years or 2 years ago
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Hm. Maybe a year.
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes, exceptional academic achievement, before my high school graduation.
32. Are you a good cook? Does a bear shit in the woods? Should I not use a bear shit analogy when discussing food? Okay, so we’ll just say, shyeah!
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yes, and I do it, and I still manage to smell like gas from time to time. Pumped gas this morning, as a matter of fact.
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Yes, I ordered the Miracle Broom. It was, truly, miraculous.
35. Sprite or 7-up? 7-Up is the bomb, Sprite is a poser.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? No, thank god. Nametags yes, uniforms no.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Prescriptions. This weekend.
38. Ever throw up in public? Yes. Immediately following my decision to no longer be bulimic (yeah right) went out with friends and pigged out at the all-you-can-eat Sizzler and horked it in the parking lot unintentionally.
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? I have already found true love and I didn’t have to be a millionare to get it. Although the millionaire part wouldn’t be bad. Can I have both?
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? I know my now-husband thought I was “enchanting” when I met him in person for the first time, but I’m a firm believer that love grows. I do believe you can be instantly attracted, however.
41. Ever call a 1-900 number? I can’t remember if the goofy party line chat line I called once against the wishes of my mom when I was a teenager was a 900 number or not.
42. Can ex's be friends? True exes cannot be friends. I am not friends with anyone I would truly, honestly consider an “ex” except an “ex” from when I was 14-15 years old. If you’ve had sex with them, at least to me, there’s no opportunity for friendship there. Not worth it.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My father when he was recovering from his alcohol withdrawal, although I will see my grandfather tomorrow.
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Yep, popped out with a full head of hair.
45. What message is on your answering machine? “You have reached the (my last name) – (his last name) residence, we can’t answer the phone right now so please leave a message and we’ll return your call.”
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Knock knock? Who’s there? THE PERFECT CHEER.
47. What was the name of your first pet? Boots, a mutt, though I don’t remember him. The first pet I remember was Tuffy, a terrier mix.
48. What is in your purse? Way too many things.
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Maybe check my email. Maybe.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? That my husband is amazingly patient and kind, and that I have so many wonderful people who are supportive and understanding and want to be helpful through this very odd, change-ridden time in my life. Wait, is that more than one thing? I’m grateful I know how to count.
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The way hospitals disseminate information sucks ass, sucks some more ass, and then occasionally sucks some ass.
My grandfather has been moved to the "big" hospital in Flagstaff, AZ where he's going to be hopefully seen and operated on today by the orthopaedic surgeon for his hip fracture. They'd like to get that operation out of the way since he's on so many pain meds for his hip.
After that, they fully intend to operate on his brain and remove the small, encapsulated (benign, apparently) tumor that has been affecting his respiration, and possibly his verbal and motor coordination and respiration.
So, we are still going up there on Friday.
S. is going to see if he can come home on Friday morning, which would be a whole lot nicer than Monday morning, and even better than Saturday. It will give us some more time together to be ready for the movers.
Aside from those pain-in-the-buttocks things, stuff's okay. My dining room table is now covered from one side to the other with candle holders of all shapes, sizes and types. I figure if they can box them all together that won't be a bad thing. My living room coffee table is going to be full of my collection of Mexican blown glass, antique, and cheapie bought-it-when-i-could, bottles with corks in them.
S. sent me some pictures of the apartment and I can't wait to get MORE pictures of the apartment! The word "lavish" begins to describe it, but I'm starting to get really excited about it. I mean, wow. Nine foot ceilings, crown molding, earthy tones on the walls and carpet, big rooms, he says it's going to be cozy and homey and wonderful while feeling like being in a resort at the same time. That's helping me feel better about the move. Doesn't change the fact that the overwhelming amount of crap we own right now is pretty much crap and is having to be given away or thrown out, but it's all going to come out in the wash somewhere down the road. Somewhere.
Yesterday I found out that our Interim CEO is going to write me a reference and the three VP's that want to take me out to dinner next week are going to also write a reference, possibly the three of them together. CEO even said, "You just have anyone call me, anyone who is exploring the joys of having you on their team should hear it directly from me."
C'mon, seven. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
NOW IT'S MORE THAN I CAN TAKE
Fuck.
In case I didn't make that very clear, fuck. Fuck FUck FUCk FUCK.
Okay so here's the situation. I'm behind schedule, can't get anything done.
S. gets to Tinker
He shows up, sees his sponsor, and they fucking put him on TDY so they don't need him in the shop. Until I get there. On the 11th. He's on fucking LEAVE, basically, until the 11th. (edit: This happens to be because they are trying to make things EASIER on him, which I can appreciate, it's just very frustrating.)
So he's telling me that, and I am very frustrated because there's 3 people's worth of shit to do here and I'm doing it alone, and now he's on fucking vacation in Oklahoma City, with very little to do but get our apartment leased... and my phone rings, it's my mom.
My grandpa fell and broke his hip and was supposed to have surgery today. That is, until they decided he was having symptoms of a stroke and took a CT-scan and found a MASS on his BRAIN, which was subsequently MRI'd and he is being air-evac'ed to the hospital in Flagstaff. So they can operate. On his head.
Oh, and he has pneumonia.
So, let's see. I have full time work plus full time moving work plus my grandfather is in the hospital so now I am going to Flagstaff on Friday and all day saturday to see my grandma and him and maybe he'll be better and maybe he won't and then I have to come back home and be two MORE days behind schedule in the move stuff for when S. comes home.
My mom has offered to pay for the change fee for S.'s plane ticket home if they'll let him come back early, but they probably aren't going to let him come home until the morning of the 4th.
Something about me, major life changes, and huge difficult things that all happen when my husband leaves. Could any of this have happened at a worse time?
Days like this I just wanna crawl in a hole and die. Instead, I will go home and pack boxes.
Urgh.
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Last night was a complete waste except that I made some money.
I had planned to come home and get started right away on that list of stuff to do. No such luck, man, no such luck. Of course I ended up with WORK last night which is okay from the money standpoint but not so okay from the getting-shit-done standpoint.
Busy morning already. Ugh.
S. made it to OKC yesterday and has driven by our new apartment, says it's beautiful. He gets to spend the day today and probably tomorrow with his sponsor and then they'll settle down to business. I'm not exactly sure how that works but he seems satisfied with it.
He says it's going to take some getting used-to, the green-ness, because I'm so used to everything being brown. Don't get me wrong, I think the desert is beautiful in its own way, but EVERYTHING'S GREEN back there. I'm actually looking forward to seeing leaves change and stuff as we pass into winter.
Sorry I'm boring this a.m, just rushing around here trying to get out the door. I'll try to catch up later.
Soon it'll be time for housewarming!
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004
SHIT I HAVE TO HURRY UP AND GET DONE, GOD DAMMIT
Okay. I obviously have to make a freaking list. So. Not necessarily in this order, I have to:
- Clean the fridge on the patio.
- Dispose of food in the freezer
- Dispose of food in the fridge
- Take contents of the pantry to the food bank
- Box up altar and other witchy goodness
- Take bathroom shelf thingies to work for Julie’s daughter
- Call the charity to pick up other furniture
- Box up old Tupperware, Rubbermaid, et al, for the charity
- Spend time in garage going thru S.’s boxes of stuff
- Clean out “junk drawers”
- Figure out how I’m going to get all my clothes to Oklahoma
- Call the OB/GYN
- Go through plastic bins/tubs of old clothes to figure out what gets given away
- No fucking around with the clothes thing, if I haven’t worn it in two years it’s gotta go.
- Shred all the shit I’ve been meaning to shred.
- Pack up incense making supplies so they won’t leak all over everything.
- Clean off/clean out S.’s desk
- Clean off/clean out the dresser and armoire in the guest room
- Organize what legitimate helpful house-stuff there is in the workshop
- Call D. re whether he wants to buy my BBQ grill.
- Throw away anything in the garage that we can’t move with us.
- Get the truck washed.
- Start forwarding mail
- Get electric, gas, cable TV, phone, and water service disconnected as of 9/10
- Provide forwarding address to utility companies
- Get high speed internet transferred from here to there on 9/10
- Decide whether or not we are taking both queen size mattress sets
- Return one bed to Sue
- Dismantle my computer
- Clean out the office closet
- Clean out desk drawers
- Make sure all important paperwork is in a box to go with us in the trailer
- Go to the bank and pick up my debit card, goddammit
Things I will need S. to do for me:
- Take noxious chemicals out of the cupboards on the patio and dispose of them
- Take out many bags of garbage to the alley
- Be patient with my selection of “what stays and what goes” since he didn’t have time to go thru his own boxes before he left.
- Go into the shed and throw away my old boxes of comic books, because spiders suck.
- Cancel his recurring payment deduction from the bank account
- Get electric service set up at the new place
- Get phone set up at the new place
- Work with me re transfer of internet serice
- Measure the rooms “for real” and figure out where furniture is going to go.
- Get some basic cleaning supplies, shower curtain, et al for the new apartment
- Work his ass off on Labor Day so we’re ready for the movers, no excuses
- Come BACK!!!!
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Well, since this is the closest I'll ever get to having a smartly-designed blog as long as I stay with Blogspot, I'll just call this my "winter look." Because it's blue. And blue is kind of cold looking. Or something.
So.
Yesterday at work was, pretty simply, AWFUL! Thank you, Mercury in Retrograde, for making every single machine I touched, at the worst possible time, take a huge, rank shit.
BIG printer? Took a shit. First wouldn't print my document, then decided to print it before I had the right paper in there, wasted about 200 sheets of copy paper (so I in essence also killed a tree in the midst of my epic battle with technology), then the OTHER big printer started making dirty copies so my boss needed me to hurry my ass up and finish my document on the big printer, which took me about two more tries (letterhead upside down - killed another tree).
LITTLE printer? That one will be better, right? Wrong. Pulled 6 sheets of adhesive labels through the thing at one time and I heard it make that noise. You know the noise I'm talking about, anyone who's worked in an office has heard it. The noise where you fucking know that the adhesive labels are liberating themselves inside the printer and becoming one with any and all flat, smooth surfaces. Especially the drum. The fucking drum. THE DRUM. Oh yeah. That was fun.
I think I was ready to kill myself or someone else. But that's okay, we got our project done.
So at work there's this gal, she's the same Light Of My Life I've been typing about for a while now. She's been referred to here as a racist, as a huge pain in my ass, as the "mother figure," she's just... yeah. To use some very politically correct language in my last 10 days in the office, she is "a real piece of work." From here on out in honor of the shape of a particular appendage, I will refer to her as, "Pumpkinhead."
So, Pumpkinhead has been acting rather passive-aggressive lately. Cases in point:
We have a kitchen rotation in our office where someone comes in in the a.m. and empties the dishwasher and loads it up before we leave the office. It's just an open rotation, everyone takes turns to make it fair. Mother-figure decided long ago that she would endear herselves to everyone in the office by "just taking care of the kitchen" since she insisted on showing up about half an hour early every day. That wasn't a bad situation, either, until she started complaining that "No one in the office bothers to clean the kitchen when it's their week." That's when she sent an Outlook appointment to EVERYONE'S calendars with the correct week of their kitchen duty. Oh, yes. It gets better.
A couple of weeks ago there was a big event in the office that I was pretty much in charge of. It was also my week on the kitchen calendar. On Monday and Tuesday, Pumpkinhead showed up before me and had the kitchen cleaned out before I even showed up. I would know this because I still go into the kitchen and make sure everything's clean. I think we all do. But anyway... Wednesday rolls around, and I show up at about 7:30am and Pumpkinhead comes up right behind me, and I go into the kitchen and remember the meeting room for the big function doesn't have coffee in it yet. My breakfast delivery showed up so I showed them over to the room while the coffee brewed, went back into the kitchen to take care of a couple little things, and forgot to clean out the dishwasher. Mind you, there were 40 people in our office that day and they were all going to fucking use coffee cups and glasses.
At the break when we cleaned off the first set of cups and glasses from the tables and took them into the kitchen - to load them into the dishwasher - the dishwasher wasn't empty. She promptly left the kitchen when I started apologizing to staff for forgetting to empty it and we hurriedly did so. Interestingly, after Wednesday when the big event and subsequent huge number of dirty dishes was over with, on Thursday and Friday, Pumpkinhead came through like a champ cleaning the kitchen. Passive-aggressive bullshit.
Yesterday was no exception to the passive-aggressive garbage that comes out of squashface. No, pumpkinhead. Pumpkinhead the Passive-Aggressive. So we're working on this huge project which involves about 465 pieces of first-class mail. And the envelopes are being stuffed (by me and my boss among others) and she walks up behind us and says, "Ladies. Ladies. Ladies!" My boss turns around, wondering what the hell has crawled up her hole and died, and she asks some question about the postage meter, so I get up and go in the copy room and start to meter the mail. She's standing there when I start but soon decides I can handle it myself. Mail is piling up everywhere because Pumpkinhead hasn't managed to bring a mail bin into the copy room like she was supposed to, so I ask her for a mail bin. She says, "Oh, do we need one?"
There's fucking mail fucking everywhere. Yes, we need one. If you had any balls, I'd call you numb-nuts. -- Thankfully, that was my inside voice.
So she excuses herself and asks if it would be "okay" for her to go on reconaissance to find a postage bin as we don't seem to have any in the office, and about 20 minutes later she comes back up with one. Loads it half-assed.
Here's where the passive-aggressive starts up again, for reals.
Pumpkinhead leaves half an hour before anyone so she goes in the copy room and grabs the mail, and makes a big deal of taking the mail down (when we leave at 5pm, someone always takes the mail down to the mailbox). So typically she'll wave the mail in her hands and say "Goodnight ladies, see you in the morning." Bah. So last night she said, "Good night ladies, see you in the morning." And I didn't really turn around. I should have guessed. When T and I went downstairs last night we took an overflowing mail bin with us because Passive-Aggressive didn't want to even take PART of the mail with her. She didn't take one piece of mail down with her.
One of the saddest things about the situation is, this gal wants people to believe she is soooOOOooOOoo busy that when she's cleaning the kitchen or taking down the mail, we should be ultra-grateful that she's taking time out of her busy day to "help" us. That's bullcrap, she does less than anyone in my department. It's quite frustrating. Pet peeve: People that work when it's convenient or complain all the time that they have SO MUCH WORK to do, even when they really aren't doing anything, frost my ass.
Frost is cold, and can be found in winter.
Blue reminds me of being cold.
And we've come full circle.
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Monday, August 23, 2004
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Well, S. is on his way to Oklahoma City by way of our friends Ross and Rachael in Albuquerque, NM. (Thank you, Ross, we still can't thank you enough for your hospitality).
He should roll into town (OKC)tomorrow early evening-ish.
Also, my sister leaves today with my niece and nephew, who are the lights of my life and whom I am going to miss very much.
So I had kind of a sad morning, and I'm not rightly prepared to blog yet. Hopefully later today I'll feel a little better about it. Just feeling kind of sad.
Ugh.
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
THIRTY DAYS HAS SEPTEMBER, APRIL JUNE AND NOVEMBER
From Antisocial Bitch.
You're supposed to find your birth month and cut and paste it into your blog, striking through anything that does NOT apply to you.
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever.
Hrm. Lots of stuff right-on in there, but it doesn't appear to be as right-on as some other folks. Either that, or I'm biased. Me? Biased? Screw you.
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I know, me blogging on a Sunday, what a weird deal. Just taking a very quick moment out of hectic-life-central.
I just added a new blog to my blogroll, please stop by and say hi to Rue if you're Pagan-y or food-y or just in the mood for a good read.
And to answer Jenny's question, it's not REALLY S that makes the incense. Okay, we do it together. But I do it way more than he does. Heh.
Our "company," Enchanted Rose Scents, makes hand-dipped incense sticks, essential-oil powdered incenses (for super-scenting your home, or cleansing sacred space, or meditating, et al), fragrance oils for diffusers, perfume oils, and soon I'm going to start making both scented candles (knock on wood) and a line of lovely scented bath products made with both/either essential oils and/or fragrance oils.
A hobby of mine, started out of necessity, that grew into what is so far a VERY small side business but hopefully after we land in Oklahoma, will turn into a legitimate side business.
We have a website that's slowly but surely getting ready to go, and I hope to have it online by December of this year in full force. I don't want to try to get the site up and running right now if I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to it.
S.'s incense that he made for Amanda is one of the scents that he designed himself as part of our line, it's a very woodsy, earthy, yet fresh scent, and it sells out every time we set up shop.
So, I know I've threatened y'all with this before, but be looking for us to start selling our incense again some time later this year. Can't beat handmade incense, man.
Now back to your regular boring weekend programming.
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Friday, August 20, 2004
4 MORE EXITS TO
MY APARTMENT BUT
I AM TEMPTED TO
KEEP THE CAR IN DRIVE
AND LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND
Wow. Yesterday sucked ass, but was nifty cool at the same time. Don't you hate days like that?
Begin at the beginning, I suppose.
Wednesday night our friend Amanda came over for a drink and our own personal Happy Hour buffet. I stopped off at the store and got a nice snack spread, there's just nothing better than some nice snacks when you're in the mood for snacks. Just to make sure everybody had something they'd like, I got some peppered salame and proscuitto, hard Irish cheese, creamy Bleu cheese, a mozzarella-basil rolled-up cheese, a deeeeeeelish ball of creamy smoked fresh Mozzarella, some grapes, some smoked salmon, two kinds of Carr's Table Water Crackers (cracked pepper and garlic herb), garlic-stuffed olives, red-pepper-flake stuffed olives, amazingly yummy crunchy hot pickle salad (with 3 kinds of hot peppers, cauliflower and carrots)... trying to think if I have missed anything. Oh yes, tail-on shrimp.
I don't fuck around with Snack Night. You're all invited to the next one.
So I got home and the storm had just started up. S. played bartender and made Amanda and I each a cocktail and I laid out the spread. It was so cute, we ate on TV trays in the living room and laughed and gossipped and told stories. S. made a batch of special incense for Amanda as a gift - the smell that he designed that sells out anywhere we sell it, Ancient Forest. And four and a half hours later, or so, Amanda was on her way home and I was off to bed.
I got up yesterday morning feeling like a truck had run me over. I puttered around thinking if I took some Motrin or if I had a Diet Coke or maybe had some juice or washed my face or laid back down for a few minutes or had a piece of fruit or wore my hair differently or whatever, I might start to feel better. That didn't happen. Thought maybe I ate something bad, but no one else was complaining of the stomach issues I was having. Phoned my boss at about 6:30am and let her know I was feeling like shit on a shingle, and crawled back to bed.
At noon, I woke up. Yes, noon. At noon, I woke up. Still feeling kind of shitty and shingly but a little better nonetheless, and my headache which was going on a migraine was about 80% gone. Got up, had some leftover pasta from Macaroni Grill (Garlic cures everything, right? Right?!) and laid around on the couch for a little bit. S. said, "Hey, aren't the desks going to come today?" When suddenly! The door! There was a knock on the door!
I was still in my jammies, so S. went to the door and lo and behold the OfficeMax Dot Com guy was here (no, not Rubber Band Man, I wish) and he was delivering our big desks. Our big fucking desks. Our gigantically boxed completely huge desk-o-rama.
I don't know if I mentioned this, but we bought some new corner desks and a couple of really nice chairs to furnish our new office in the new apartment. It's kind of our moving gift to ourselves. We figure because we LIVE in the office anyway, we might as well have ourselves the gift of ergonomic furniture and comfortable chairs.
Our Fantabulous Desks
So they showed up and the boxes are fucking huge. We're taking them with us in the trailer we will be unceremoniously towing behind us, but now I have to re-evaluate how much trailer room we're going to have. The boxes take up as much room as a couch. A COUCH, people!
So while I was sitting there wondering how I was going to handle the whole situation with the room in the trailer and all, and was wandering around the house, the doorbell rang. Again.
S. went to the door as was his job yesterday and there was a box from FedEx! But wait! Surely that's not... our new phones!
Yes, a box from the wireless company containing our new next-generation/GSM phones. Strangely enough the GSM plan with the fancy phones and polyphonic ringtones and color screens and wireless internet and everything is CHEAPER than our old two-digital-lines-and-old-phones-and-monophonic-beepbeep crap. Sign us up.
So S.'s new phone and my new phone are now taking up residence. Got all the numbers transferred out of the old ones, into the new ones, picked some ringtones, S. will probably spend part of today surfing the net for a couple (they both do polyphonic but his does fancier ones than mine, I didn't need all the bells and whistles) and then he'll be ready to head to Oklahoma with his new phone.
Overall, it was like Christmas around here, without the birth of a religious icon or songs about snow.
Don't get me wrong, please. I would love to crawl back in bed and sleep off the tail end of whatever it is that's hit me, but there's work to do. WORK, I tell you!
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
LAZY DAY
Okay. What the hell is that - I WISH I had a lazy day! Lazy? Day? Bah.
So last night my husband and I took a gift of some gift certificates and went to Macaroni Grill for an "evening out." Of course, the "evening out" ended up to be about an hour and a half at the restaurant eating, swooning over their Rosemary Bread, and wishing we'd sprung on a glass of wine, but overall it was fabulous. (I highly recommend Build Your Own Pasta with roasted garlic, artichokes, and spinach, with creamy garlic sauce. Fetuccine.) Suffice it to say we brought home enough pasta that both of us can have an entirely separate dinner again tonight, PLUS our waiter gave us a fresh loaf of rosemary bread to take with us. Shit, yeah!
Came home, had a glass of wine (ah, THERE is her glass of wine!) and figured out by about 10pm that I was not only dead tired, but I was dead-mother-fucking-tired. So, I crawled into bed and was jolted awake this morning thinking I had overslept.
S. doesn't have to go back to work for the rest of this week, which is a hoot-n-holler-and-a-half. Mainly, for me it means he will be here to get other things done like going through boxes in the garage and working on pitching out some of the things we don't need and finding places for other stuff for charities. We found the charity we're going to give our stuff to, and we're happy with the choice. Frankly it is, once again, all good.
So hopefully when I get home tonight, the garage will be organized into boxes and the nasty caustic chemicals will all be thrown out and there won't be any bugs and there won't be any dust or dirt and everything will be clearly labeled and I won't have to spend any time out there going through any boxes of any kind for any reason, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.
So at this point, I will gladly accept a little bit of effort on his part if it means there's just LESS for me to do later.
Had a long conversation with a good friend of mine at work and my boss (who is also a good friend) and realized that I've been using completely inappropriate language to describe my frustration, fear and feelings about this monumental move to the cosmopolitan metropolis of Oklahoma City. I have been using words like, "fear" and "frustration" and "terrified" and "fucking scared to fucking death."
It appears that that's STINKIN' THINKIN', and I should be using this time to focus on words like, "Exciting!" and "Anticipated!" and that I should say things like, "Anxious!" instead of "so fucking frustrated I can't see straight."
It is amazing how the power of language can not only dictate one's attitude, but it can also help other people feel like you're doing better so they don't worry about you.
So, to sum up, I am EXCITED! about the ANTICIPATED! move to Oklahoma City. Although I am ANXIOUS!, I am sure everything will go SMOOTHLY! and we will be settling in nicely by mid-September. I am LOOKING FORWARD! to all of the changes our life is going to bring, and I CAN'T WAIT! to share them all with you.
Can I have some more sugar on my peaches and cream, please?
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Tuesday, August 17, 2004
BY THE WAY
Fucking Blogger Navbar. Goddammit.
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It's Tuesday, and that brings me one day closer to my last day of work. Things are going along quite well, progressing as they should, and that continues to scare me on some level and make me anticipate the move even more.
Some time this week I will receive my third (!!) recommendation letter. This one's from a local official from one of the cities around here, and it happens to be one I'm going to be really REALLY proud to have. I mean, all of them are recommendations I'll be proud to have. I just hope I'm able to parlay them into something lucritive when I'm ready to pound the pavement in Oklahoma.
The appraiser came yesterday and according to S., it was "no big deal." I don't know what's going on nowadays with the housing market, but five years ago when I had an appraisal done on this house to BUY it, it took TWO guys an hour and a half, intricate designs drawn on graph paper, two rolls of film, two tape measures, and an interview so in-depth you'd think I had won the Nobel Peace Prize. Yesterday? A walk through, a quick measure "here and there," two questions (TWO!) and a sketch. No photos, no nothing. Crank 'em through, Bobby, the market's too good to waste yer time taking pictures.
(I should feel honored - my boss told me yesterday when they did the appraisal on her house for a refinance, they didn't even come in. They just drove by.)
Today the movers come for their walk-through. Guess that means we'd better know what stays and what goes. About our only "glitch" in the "stay or go" department is going to come from the garage, where we have so much stuff we'd never get it all to the apartment. A lot of it is going to go to Goodwill, a lot of it is going to get thrown out. But at least the movers will know how much of my crap they have to haul across the country...
So it rained a little bit here last night, but overall I've been sorely disappointed by the extreme lack of rain in this year's monsoon. It's really only rained twice since the beginning of July, and normally I'm wondering if my yard is going to flood by now. I think I'd give my right arm for it to just rain for two straight days like it normally does. I don't think I'm going to get my wish, which kind of sucks. I probably shouldn't complain though, I'd imagine I'll get plenty of rain in Oklahoma. And, you know, it's going to be like 30 degrees in a few months.
God dammit, I know I had something else to talk about. My severe lack of coffee and abundance of sleep has made my brain drain even worse than normal. I'll let you know if I think of it. Gah!
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Monday, August 16, 2004
THE LANGUAGE OF STRESS
Stress can make a husband and wife completely forget how to communicate.
This week is going to be an interesting one. The appraiser comes today. The movers come for their initial walk-through tomorrow. Wednesday, S. has to take his car to the dealership to get an oil change and a look-over before the trip to Oklahoma. Thursday, the dog and cat have to go to the vet and get their shots and we get a copy of their vet records. Friday, S. takes the truck to get a trailer hitch put on it and reserves a trailer.
Somewhere in there, we also have to have dinner with a friend, see my sister, her husband and my niece and nephew, see my mom, pack up S.'s stuff for his trip to Tinker AFB, and get about a room full of crap either boxed up for Goodwill or taken out to the garbage.
And we do these things, and we plan ahead, and we try to get stuff all lined up, and little by little we slip farther and farther apart until we're speaking completely different languages and can't relate to one another any more.
In my head, I had a "honey do" list that I wanted S. to work on. I thought I had done a pretty good job articulating it. But when he got me up this morning, I went in to the guest room - not cleaned. I went into the bathroom - not cleaned. I looked out into the yard - not trimmed. I went back into the kitchen - dirty. I went into the bathroom. Dirty.
I had not asked him to do ALL of those things, heavens no. I had asked him to do ONE or TWO of those things. Or at least I thought I did.
So I whizzed through the guest room, cleaned up the bathroom, made our bed and put the laundry baskets on the bed, trodded out into the kitchen and was loading the dishwasher when he came around the corner.
And that's when it happened.
My husband, whom I love and adore, looked around the corner at me sticking my hands in nasty slimy cold dish water and said, "So, uh, cleaning the kitchen this morning?"
Right about then, the swirling seething dragon-creature that lives inside my head pushed its way to the top of ths stack and hissed, "THE APPRAISER TAKES PHOTOGRAPHS IN EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE SO YES, OF COURSE, I AM CLEANING THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING."
That's about the time my husband withdrew and went to the other end of the house.
We've since had a long conversation (but not before him leaving the house without saying "I love you" or giving me a kiss goodbye) and I think we are doing a little better job of communicating today. But for that short time, it SUCKED ASS to be S. or Mrs. S. Neither one of us was happy with the other.
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. We had a long talk about this yesterday while I was making dinner. It's unfortunate when you consider just how hard I'm making this on myself... or at least that's what I've managed to come up with.
I'm looking at this amazingly long list of so very many things that need to be done, and I'm starting to wonder how they're all going to get done. S. and I are both going through one strange thing, and that's that we've never moved when movers came and actually packed you up and hauled your shit and unloaded it. Part of me is GIDDY with anticipation over that! But part of me looks at nothing getting packed and quietly panics... because by now, I would have had half the house in boxes. I keep telling myself I don't have to do it, but it's a reflex.
So S. leaves in seven days for Tinker AFB and I'm just freaking out a little. Okay, a lot. I'm not good at handling stress, especially when it's coupled with life-changing life changes that change your life.
Um. So, uh, yeah.
So although I don't even know if he'll see it, I want to tell my husband I'm sorry for being a raging stressed out fire breathing bitch this morning. I wish I could say I'd be able to get it under control between now and the 7th of September, but I just don't know. Change tears me open and bleeds me dry, sometimes.
I know I haven't been the easiest to live with.
The other thing that's kind of freaking me out is, I've NEVER not had a job. And I'm being encouraged to take some time off before I go find another job. I'm looking forward to it with all my heart, but at the same time I'm freaking out. I have never put the bills in someone else's hands, have never depended on someone else to make ends meet. Even though we really aren't going to have any "Bills" to speak of when we get settled, I'm still freaking the fuck out about it. It's like I feel like I'm not contributing. We don't have children, so it's not like I will have the work and responsibility of being a stay-at-home mom. It'll be me, one dog, one cat, and a three-bedroom apartment. I need to convince myself that I deserve to take a little bit of time off, since I never have.
Maybe that's the problem... maybe I don't think I'm deserving of going through this without freaking out from stress.
Time to change my perception.
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Friday, August 13, 2004
SHIT FUCK HELL DAMN SHIT FUCK SHIT
God dammit.
This may very well be the DUMBEST. THING. FUCKING. EVER.
S. and I are consolidating bank accounts, finally. In the interest of clarity and ease, we are adding me to his USAF credit union accounts rather than keeping my local credit union accounts.
So. They tell him I have to give them a notarized statement that I am who I say I am, my social security number, and the front and back of both my AZ Driver's License (with current address) and my USAF military I.D.
Done.
Then they tell him the DUMBEST. FUCKING. THING. EVER.
They won't mail me a debit card.
Let me say that again. They will not mail me a debit card.
I have to go. To the branch. To pick it up.
Following is a conversation that, in the mere act of having it, killed a large number of my brain cells. I am actually dumber for having had this conversation.
S.: I asked them again, you're going to have to go to a branch to pick up your debit card.
Me: Why?
S: Apparently because it's a Visa card.
Me: I have lots of visa cards. I have had lots of credit cards and debit cards. I have never had to physically go to the bank to pick them up. They mail them to me.
S: Yeah well, you have to go pick it up. But there's one closer than the base.
Me: Oh! Where?
S: Metrocenter (which is about 25 miles from our house and about 15 miles from my work.)
Me: We'll go Saturday.
S: No, you have to go during regular business hours.
Me: Monday through Friday??
S: Yup.
Me: I have to GO TO THE BRANCH TO PICK UP MY CARD? That has to be the stupidest thing ever. God dammit!
S: Don't yell.
Me: I'm sorry! But it's so goddamned stupid! What the fuck is that?
S: Well. I guess they have machines there, where they make the cards.
Me: At what branch?
S: All of them.
Me: This is fucking insane.
S: We can just keep your account until we're on our way out of town and we can get it on the way out of town.
Me: Well then I have to what, write you a check out of my bank account when I get my last paycheck so you can put it towards rent and deposits?
S: I guess so.
Me: THIS IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING THING EVER.
S: Don't yell.
Me: THIS IS SO STUPID.
S: We'll just get it on the way out of town.
Me: Okay.
S: We'll have to give them our Oklahoma mailing address.
Me: At that time?
S: Yes.
Me: And what's that for?
S: Your PIN number.
Me: WHAT?!
S: Well, they have to mail you the PIN number. So we'll have to have them mail it to Oklahoma.
Me: I HAVE TO FUCKING GO TO THE BANK TO PICK UP A DEBIT CARD AND THEY CAN'T GIVE ME MY PIN NUMBER THERE, THEY HAVE TO MAIL IT.
S: Yes.
Me: TO OKLAHOMA.
S: Yes. Don't yell.
Me: I'M SORRY HONEY BUT THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER FUCKING HEARD OF IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING ADULT LIFE.
S: We'll just get it on our way out of town.
Me: Aurgh!
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Someone shoot me.
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BLACK AND RED ANTENNAE WAVING
So we're teaching Boomer, our last remaining dog, to live as an apartment dog. Right? Right. Because he's only ever lived in a house, and had the luxury of being able to open the sliding door and go outside to do his business.
Right? Right.
S. has taken on the majority of that chore, it was actually his idea. So, when he's got to go outside to go "potty," S. waits a few minutes and then puts some shoes on, and accompanies him outside for a pre-determined length of time. While out there, he says encouraging things like, "C'mon Boomer, go potty." And the ever-popular, "Goddammit, Boomer, would you just pee? Go pee. Go. Pee. GO PEE."
Compared to my patience level lately, the man's a saint.
So we've been doing this morning and night. Get up in the a.m. and get him not-quite-so-used-to just running outside and prancing around the yard, as he needs to get on more of a "schedule" for the number ones and number twos. It all makes sense. It's all working.
Until this morning after S. had left for P.T., which means he's got to be on the road at about 6am to drive the 50 miles to the base. (OHMYGODICAN'TWAITUNTILWELIVEONLYFIVEMINUTESFROMTHEBASETHANKYOUVERYMUCH)
And that left Boomer looking at me. Expectantly. Impatiently. And I had to say it. "Do you have to go potty?"
Round and round in circles he went, so I found S.'s sandals and slipped them on, and we went back outside. I kept telling him, albeit supportively, to hurry up and do his business. I was also walking around the yard checking some things out because we've got a guy coming over and working on some things in the yard.
So, I'm being all responsible homeowner and shit, and I'm looking at the roof and the oleanders and whether or not the grapefruit and orange tree need more water, when suddenly I feel a little itch on my big toe.
Before I can completely register that there's a little itch on my big toe, suddenly there is a big. fucking. itch. on. my. big. toe.
So I look down, and here I am standing practically on top of a fucking anthill (Didn't we get rid of all those?!) and there's one of those pissed off little motherfuckers biting my toe so hard his ass was in the air and all his legs were wiggling around while he was surgically attached to my toe-knuckle.
Fucker.
I wiggled my toes in the sandals to try to scrape him off with the strap and as I did that, a flood of tiny six-legged terrorists advanced on the rest of my little piggies, which left me to do a strange and exotic jumping dance while chanting things like, "Ooo! Fuck! Airhggh! Goddammit! Oooo! Shit! Fucking Piss!"
Boomer looked at me all happy. I think he thought I was trying to play.
I ran back onto the porch, found the Amdro (ant killer) and bravely ventured back across the yard to where the hill was. I sprinkled the amazing glowing crystals of death and stood there for a while waiting for the insectified little pricks to take some home to Queenie and just all fucking die, but I wasn't so lucky as to get a free show this morning. Maybe I'll see Ant Armageddon when I get home this afternoon. I'm the Jim Fucking Jones of the ant world, and that's my cyanide Kool-Aid. I fully expect to see carnage. CARNAGE.
Incidentally, the trip outside was a complete waste as Boomer did not want to take a dump, nor did he want to take (another) piss. I think he just wanted to see if he could get mom outside before she got in the shower.
Boomer: 1. Rose: 0. Ants: -378.
--------> Update: Boomer just took the raunchiest, rankest, most disgusting smelling dog fart ever. If I weren't selling my house I'd be worried the paint might peel. The dog can fart fucking noxious gas but he can't take a little shit in the morning. Explain that to me.
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
I SAID TOO MUCH AGAIN
... or have I not said ENOUGH lately? I'm really sorry for the lack of engaging commentary lately. Sigh.
Holy mackerel, people! I can't freaking believe it!
So yesterday, at the end of the huge meeting I was a part of, my boss's boss was going to briefly announce that I'm leaving where I work and that we're handing off the work for that particular group, to the awesome gal who's been "shadowing" me for a few days.
Instead of doing it like that, he gave a short speech about how fantabulous I am, and then a bunch of folks spoke up around the table about how apparently overwhelmingly great I've been for them to work with, and then they applauded, and then I cried. Overall, a very emotional afternoon. And so then you know, I had to come home, eat some macaroni salad, nurse my sore feet and go to bed by about 8:30. I was WIPED.
But yesterday, in spite of being a lot of work and the culmination of more than a little work stress, was a GOOD DAY!
I'm kind of worried that the gal who's going to be taking that over when I leave, is now pretty much afraid she won't be able to "live up" to what I've done. I kept telling her that wasn't true, but she talked on and on about how that group of contacts is never going to like her the way they like(d) me, and how she's never going to be able to do it. So, I'm trying to change her perception about that. I think they will LOVE her. And I will miss them all.
Phew.
In other news, we're inching closer and closer to Oklahoma! The movers are coming on the 17th in the afternoon to do a walkthrough on the house and figure out what they're going to pack and how long it's going to take them. Then, my sister comes into town for their last visit with us before the move - it's time for my Nephew's and Niece's birthdays! So there will be much cavorting wtih family and a big birthday party on Sunday, and then S. leaves on Monday for OKC. He's going to stay with our dear friends Ross and Rachael in Albuquerque, which means he'll be there Monday night the 23rd, and then he'll pull into OKC some time on the 24th. He'll check in with his new squadron, start to learn his way around, pick up the keys to our apartment hopefully on the 1st or 2nd, move himself right in there, and then fly home on the 6th. And then it's all downhill from there.
So basically, it's what... three weeks or something before we leave? Scary.
The stress is starting to take a little bit of a "toll" on me in that I'm tired all the time now. I just have to get myself in a routine of coming home, doing laundry, cleaning out one more spot in the house... before I know it I'm going to be driving down the road with a dog and a cat and a trailer!
I wish I had some good, entertaining, or funny other stories to tell you guys but I'm coming up short the last few weeks. I've spent less time observing the world and more time freaking out about this move. I should turn my eye to the weirdos once again (because lord knows I see enough of them daily) and write about that some more. Maybe it'll keep my mind off my own stress!!
Thanks again, y'all.
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Wednesday, August 11, 2004
SUCK MY KISS
Had another great talk last night with my dad on the phone. He told me he loves me, again. I can't even begin to describe how that might feel, knowing that in my whole adult life I don't think my dad's ever said that to me. It's usually been something like this:
"Love you dad, talk to you later."
"Uhrrrmgmmm, okay, bye babe."
*click*
So, I'm not getting that anymore. And it makes me feel really good.
So last night I had a GREAT talk with S. about when we move and how things are going to be, at least for a while. Since our apartments have a gym/fitness center in them, and since I'm not going to be hopping right back into the world of the gainfully employed, I'm going to take some extra time to get myself back into physical shape. I've been having a rough time with my weight for the last few weeks, but frankly we've been living a life of take-out and eat-out instead of cook-in and eat-in. I'm sure once I get back to cooking, things are going to be completely different. Plus, I'll be able to exercise more conveniently than I can here at our house. It's damned hot outside. Urgh.
But anyway, we were talking about what it'll be like when I go back to cooking, and how nice it's going to be to have my "job" be taking care of the house for a while. I've never had any time off from regular work - my dad, oddly enough, confirmed that to me last night. He thinks a month or more off is exactly what I need.
So before I head out to go get ready for work this morning (Huge meetings today) I'll leave you with this thought about one of my crazy coworkers.
We work on a high-up floor of a tall building downtown, so we have to go down the elevator to pretty much do or see anything. When we go downstairs for lunch, she has this habit that annoys the living piss out of me.
We'll go grab a bite and be walking back to the elevator, and she will park herself right in front of the elevator. Now. At lunchtime, the elevators are very busy hauling people up and down, and there is nearly ALWAYS someone IN the elevator when it stops.
But she'll see the light come on and walk RIGHT in front of the elevator and stand about a foot away from the opening doors. And then she looks all annoyed when there's someone in the elevator who's just trying to get out before she can haul her ass INTO the damned thing.
Inconsiderate. Inconsiderate and stupid. I just... I don't know. I'm not going to miss her very much. I am also going to feel really bad for leaving the co-workers that I **DO** like, behind with her. She's not fun to deal with and not really a pleasure to work with.
I am, however, going to miss others with all my heart.
So many things to reconcile.
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
DOWN IN A HOLE, FEELING SO SMALL
The closer things get to this move, the better they seem to go. I'm sorry, do I have the right life? I don't mean to question things, and I hope I don't offend, but the absolute clusterfuck I'm used to seems to have departed, leaving me only with a smooth countdown of events where nothing can seem to go wrong. No! No! I don't WANT anything to go wrong, don't misunderstand! Just making sure I'm not dreaming.
S. had a conversation with his sponsor yesterday and he's going to head out of here on the 22nd for OKC. He should be there by the 24th and when he gets all checked in and settled, he'll go check out our apartment. WOO HOO! APARTMENT! The Apartment Selector sent us some pictures of the neighborhood. Appears it's near a mall, near the base, backed up to a really pretty residential neighborhood. S. says when he talked to his sponsor, they told him the apartments are Going To Be The Shit (as they're still being built) and that we'll be the envy of the neighborhood for getting in on the "ground floor" as it were. I'm hoping we're able to dig our heels in and stay there for a long time if it continues to be such a great place. So I'm excited about that!
Last night, went and had sushi and told our friend(s) the sushi chef(s) that we'll be leaving in a month. They all acted so sad! Of course, that's a major sob story for us too, since we're absolutely IN LOVE with our sushi chefs. I have some recommendations for good sushi in OKC though (thank you Matt!) and maybe we'll find a spot to become regulars once again.
Things at work are going well, I now have a "shadow" while someone in the office pays attention to what I do, to "learn what I do." As good as I am at my job, and I am great at my job, I don't think the gal who will be taking over a lot of it will have ANY problem with it at all. I actually think she's going to look at it and have no problem doing all of it and anything else they ask her to do. My job's not brain surgery, but it takes a special type of person. I'm sure she's that person.
Well shit. I just spilled coffee all down the front of my white tank top. (Rawr, that sounds like a bad line from a bad porno.) (Not that I have seen bad pornos.) (Life is too short for bad porn.)
And with that, I will leave you with an interesting observation yesterday. I saw both a billboard and a truck for Air Conditioning Repair people that had a biblical connotation. First, a billboard that asked, "Will your A/C make it, or do you need the help of a Higher Power?" Second, a truck that had Jesus fishes all over it and stated clearly, "We answer to a Higher Authority, so you can trust our work!"
*cough*
Hey, God? How about you just make it 78 degrees outside and sunshiny here all the time? Then we wouldn't need fucking air conditioning repairmen. Yeah, I thought so.
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Monday, August 09, 2004
BELIEVE ME, I'M JUST AS LOST AS YOU
Well. The wheels of life just keep on turning, and at this point it's one of those situations where if I'm not ON this train, it's either going to leave without me or fucking run me over and DRAG me to Oklahoma City.
I don't know if I'd mentioned before or not, but I didn't/don't plan to look for a job the split second we get to OKC. I've had (real) jobs since I was 15 and a half years old. I have never, in those 20 years, taken more than one week off a job at a time. The ONE time I got laid off/downsized, I was out of work for three days before I found another job and started immediately. Frankly, I think I could use a little bit of a break.
So, I'm going to voluntarily, and with the blessing of my husband, do the happy homemaker thing for a little while, probably a month or six weeks at my best estimation. S. thinks I'm not going to make it three weeks without making myself completely fucking insane, but who's to say? It'll be an interesting exercise, to say the very least.
In prep for the future, though, as the perfect planning Aquarian that I am, I've started emailing professional recruiters in Oklahoma City just to try to feel out the job market. I'm what they now call an "administrative professional," which fortunately or unfortunately ranges in definition from a file clerk or receptionist to an office manager or Executive Assistant. I'm at the high end of that scale. But when I look at the advertisements for the OKC area, most of the jobs that are available seem to be at the low end of the scale.
It's not like it's going to matter terribly, but of course I would like to end up in a job where I'm not bored to fucking tears. I'm certain that would happen if I took something answering phones. I just want to find a rewarding position.
I've got some good angles I can take, as I'm going to end up with some good contacts and great references. But it's Murphy's Law. If I start looking NOW, then I will have to start a new job the day I get there, and in six months we'll be living out of boxes. I'm just afraid that if I hit the pavement looking for a good job after a few weeks in Oklahoma City, that it might take me longer than I'd anticipate. I've budgeted to be out of work for up to three or four months, and the very good news is that we'll be able to more than make it on S.'s salary alone (and if I had to temp or something, I could do that no problem). I could also start my own business there if needed, doing transcription on the side (like I do, and did, this weekend). One way or another I would find a way to bring money into the household.
I'd just like to make enough money that I felt like I was legitimately contributing. On top of the other stuff. You know, the happy homemaker Donna Reed June Cleaver keep my man happy stuff.
S. keeps saying this is a great chance for us to explore TRADITIONAL ROLES in our marriage, and for that I am THRILLED. Excited. Wowed. Happy yappy. My job will be to keep the house clean, have meals ready, laundry done, garbage out, kitchen clean, everything ready to go. That'll be my job. And I will take a lot of pride in that. I suppose it'll be a good dry run for when we have a baby, since then I'll be doing all of that plus taking care of children.
Traditional Roles. On one hand it thrills me and on the other hand I have some strange fear that I'm not going to be able to find work "fast enough." Whatever the hell "fast enough" is. Of course, the recruiter that wrote me back this morning said she can't give me much information about the job market without interviewing me and getting a better "feel" for my abilities. I know, it's a hard-sell, but I'm still not going to get in touch with them before I'm ready.
There's a reason I've never been without work for longer than a week. If I had to think about it, I'd imagine that reason is NOT because I am a tool. Hey. I'm not a tool!
So anyway, that's my little employment rant for the day.
The apartment selector lady sent us pictures of the apartment complex and the surrounding area... she pretty much drove between the apartments and Tinker AFB so we could get a feeling for where we are. Looks like there's a little bit of everything. I'm starting to get excited for the part of our adventure where we get to learn our way around and explore the city. And everything in the pictures was green! Green grass! Green trees! Which are going to CHANGE COLOR in a couple of months! And then it will be Fall!
(For those of you who have never lived in Arizona or in the desert in general, WE DON'T GET SEASONS HERE.)
And then it will be 20-fucking-something-fucking degrees in the winter, and I will have to re-adjust to somewhere that has "real" "weather."
Urgh. I'd rather be too hot than too cold. Thank goodness for an energy efficient new apartment.
This weekend went way too fast. Operated on my ingrown toe so it hurts. Worked on Sunday doing transcription and made about $135. Filled up five more huge green garbage bags with crap we just aren't going to use and isn't worth donating to Goodwill. Sorted out all my laundry to get it washed. Washed some of it. Made dinner. Can I just crawl back in bed? I mean, if I promise to catch the train before it leaves?
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Friday, August 06, 2004
JUST ANOTHER REASON I’M VOTING FOR KERRY
A PATRIOT AND SOLDIER FIGHTING FOR THE MILITARY FAMILY
… Via WiggleBottoms, another fabulous military wife. How can you NOT be BEHIND something like this if you are a spouse or relative of anyone in the active-duty or reserve military? PASS IT ON.
A MILITARY FAMILY BILL OF RIGHTS (link)
John Kerry and John Edwards believe that military families must be treated with the respect they deserve. As president, John Kerry will propose a Military Family Bill of Rights that will provide our military families with competitive pay, good housing, decent health care, quality education for their children, first rate training, and the best possible weaponry, armor, and state-of-the-art equipment. And in the event the worst happens, John Kerry's plan will ensure that military families will have help and care they deserve.
----------
Responsible Leadership and Stewardship of the American Military
Increase The Size Of The Military. The American military was designed to fight with coalition partners. Today we lack those partners and our Army is stretched to the breaking point. John Kerry will increase the size of the active-duty Army by 40,000 troops so that we have the force structure for the challenges we face.
Reinvigorate American Diplomacy To Better Meet The Needs Of America's Security. Our military has a right to expect that when they go into conflict on a mission of international security they will have maximum support from troops of other nations affected. But today, our troops make up almost 90 percent of the military forces dealing with the insurgency operation in Iraq, and have suffered up to 90 percent of the fatalities.
Competitive Pay
Assure Sufficient Imminent Danger Pay and Family Separation Allowances. Military families, especially those of a service member deployed to a combat zone, are entitled to our full support and full respect. John Kerry will never attempt to reduce special compensations, such as family separation allowance and hazardous duty pay.
Quality Housing
Raise Standards For All Family Housing Units. Military families should be guaranteed housing that meets their needs and meets American standards. Unfortunately, military housing has been grossly inadequate for several decades. As president, John Kerry will accelerate the construction of new military housing by providing incentives for private developers to build new housing on or near military bases and lease it to military families at a rate consistent with their housing allowances.
Quality Health and Dental Care
Ensure Service Members And Families Receive Adequate Health Care. Military families should have full access to quality health and dental care, whether they're stationed at home or abroad. As president, John Kerry will fight to permanently extend TRICARE eligibility to members of the National Guard and Reserve.
Quality Education
Defend Impact Aid. Military children, along with their parents, sacrifice many educational and other opportunities by frequently moving to new schools in new areas. Children of service members deserve the best educational opportunities America can offer, whether they're at home or abroad. As president, John Kerry will ensure they get the quality education they deserve by protecting funding for the Impact Aid program, which funds our nation's Department of Defense schools.
First-Rate Training, Arms and Equipment
Reimburse Families Forced To Purchase Body Armor. No military family should ever have to bake cakes or wash cars in order to buy their deployed soldier adequate personal equipment like body armor - yet troops have been deployed to Iraq without the latest body armor. As president, John Kerry will reimburse families that were forced to provide for themselves and ensure that such lapses do not occur again.
First-Rate Training and Equipment. Our service members and families deserve the peace of mind that comes from knowing that everything possible has been done to ensure that their loved one returns from a combat zone quickly and safely. As president, John Kerry will ensure that families have that peace of mind. He will ensure that no soldier, sailor, airman or Marine ever goes into harm's way untrained when the best training is available. And he will ensure that no soldier is ever poorly or incompletely equipped when the best equipment is available.
Up-To-Date and Accurate Information About Deployments
Ensure Families Know When Their Loved Ones Are Leaving and Coming Home. By their very nature, emergency deployments are unpredictable. But routine rotations to sustain on-going operations are reasonably predictable. Our families deserve the best, most current information about the timing and duration of deployments. As president, John Kerry will make every effort to ensure they know that and much more.
Help For Family Members Affected By Extended Deployment
Penalty-Free Withdrawals From Individual Retirement Account (IRA) Expenses Associated With Deployments. Our service members and families deserve more consideration and assistance when on operational deployments. As president, John Kerry will ensure they get that consideration and assistance, including penalty-free withdrawals from IRA for expenses associated with deployments.
Make Family Separation Allowance Permanent. The Bush administration tried to cut the family separation allowance. As president, John Kerry will make it permanent and index it to inflation.
Assistance When A Service Member Has Been Killed
Increase The Death Gratuity. When a service member is injured or killed in the line of duty, military families deserve full, complete, and timely notification. No other moment in life will ever carry such pain, and the nation owes surviving families its highest respect and best efforts. As president, John Kerry will work to have a $250,000 gratuity added to the Service Members Group Life Insurance if a service member is killed in a combat zone.
One Year Of Military Housing For Families Of Deceased Service Members. Our service members and families deserve full assistance that matches their sacrifice. As president, John Kerry will extend from 180 days to one year the amount of time that a family of a service member killed in action can live in military housing so that children can finish the school year and families can plan for the future.
Responsive Government Support After Leaving The Military
Keeping Faith With Those Who Served. After military service ends, a new commitment from the nation begins to assist and recognize those who have served, and who often bear the wounds of battle. All agencies of government that can help our veterans must help our veterans with service that is complete and compassionate. As president, John Kerry will fight for quality access to healthcare for all military retirees, provide for full concurrent receipt; and mandatory funding of veterans healthcare.
… from johnkerry.com
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
OO EE OO AH AH, DING DANG, WALLAWALLA BING BANG
Seen on the way to the bank today:
Picture this... a man wearing baggy Tommy jeans. Bright red "Big Daddy" t-shirt. Red baseball cap. On backwards. Bling consisting of a huge rhinestone earring, gold bracelet, HUGE gold-tone chain that hung from his neck all the way to his belly - looked like mardi gras beads, almost - with a huge gold-tone cross hanging on it. Smoking a cigar. What's wrong with this picture? Dude had to be 40 years old.
Also seen: A caravan of people from the bank building returning from McDonald's with hot fudge sundaes. Gimme one!
And then there's the homeless guy sitting on the corner shouting at people. "YOUR ANUS! I'M GONNA STICK IT IN YOUR ANUS! ANUS ANUS ANUS! IT'S YOUR ANUS! ANUS ANUS ANUS!" Needless to say by the time I came out of the bank, an "officer" was having a little chat with him.
Finally, the people on the way back from the bank who were walking. so. slowly. i. almost. couldn't. help. shouting. "COME ON DOVER, MOVE YOUR BLOOMIN' ASS.
Thank you, thank you. I'm here every night until Thursday. Tip your waitress and try the lasagne.
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We have an apartment!
There's actually a lovely website that lists all the crapdoodle on it, but I'll avoid that as it also has my future address on it. Not good.
In the meantime, I will give you the list of amenities!
Gated community
Closed-circuit video of the gate(s) -- They broadcast it on our cable TV!
Gym
Spa
Sauna
Pool w/Sundeck
High speed internet -- ROCK ROCK ROCK ROCK
1250 s.f.
3 bedrooms
2 bathrooms
Storage unit on the patio
Washer and dryer in the unit
9 foot ceilings
Berber carpet
Walk-in closets
Open kitchen
Breakfast bar
Ceramic tile
Built-in bookshelves
Brand new! We'll be the first ones to rent our apartment!
5 minutes from Tinker AFB! -- Can you say, "shopping at the commissary will save me a shitload of money"?
All in all, it's awesome. We're going to have to get rid of a little more furniture than we hoped because we've chosen not to rent a storage unit, but that's okay. It'll all come out in the wash, and we've been trying to simplify our life anyway.
All in all, I am happy. Sent a deposit. Got approved for the rental (like who would have thought we wouldn't?). It'll be ready for us on 9/1.
Rock. On.
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Wednesday, August 04, 2004
SLOW DOWN, YOU MOVE TOO FAST
Wow. Sorry about my quiet demeanor for the last few days. Things have really been hoppin' around here, and it's kind of a side effect.
First, why don't we talk about camping, albeit briefly. We left Phoenix at about 9pm and headed up to the Valley where we were camping with the Clann group we practice with. Since it was the Full Moon, Blue Moon, and Lughnasadh all at the same time, it was kind of a big deal and a really good time to go be spiritual (provided you were Pagan).
S. threw the teeny little tent in the back of the truck and loaded it up with the necessary stuff only, and we hit the road. Just outside of Flagstaff on I-40, we had to stop dead in the middle of the highway for about 20 minutes while they cleared the road... a Volvo, which as best as I could tell was full of people, careened out of control and ended up laying across the highway, upside-down, blocking both lanes. The semi trucks who were in front of us were unable to get around them. The good news is, it looked like everyone got out of the car okay. Phew!
S. got us settled in ("I have made shelter for my family! Go on, get in the tent, Family!") and we sat around the campfire for a while. I retired "early" and S. stayed up a little after me. The group was singing songs and having a good time, but eventually the fun was over and S. came to bed That was night number one, when I had a rock underneath me and couldn't get comfortable to save my life. Incidentally, S. let me sleep up against him THAT night too in the hopes that I would escape the evil stone.
Saturday was fun. The boys went rapelling down the cliffs again and I went with them. Unfortunately for me I was having a little bit of a time with the heights that day so I couldn't/didn't stand very close to the edge while they went. I also picked up a nasty sunburn because I was a stupid idiot and didn't put on any sunblock. D'oh.
But all that was made up for when we hit the evening. First of all, it looked like we were going to get hit with a nasty thunder/rainstorm. We saw the WALL of water coming over the hills and trees, and S. and I decided we better spend some time stoking fires to make sure they were burning hot enough to stay up in the face of rain. We made that our "job," as everyone was running around getting ready for ritual and the drum circle and what not. I had a chakra balancing done before the ritual and S. had his back popped by an extraordinary chiropractor-in-spirit, which left us prepared for the ritual at hand. We chanted and praised, huzzahed, danced a spiral dance, and raised some great energy. We haven't been to a good ritual like that in quite some time, so we left there feeling refreshed.
Oh, and about the storm...? The clouds parted and went AROUND the valley where we were all camping, then joined back together at the far end. So we got very little rain (just a tiny spittle) and a fabulous light show for the ritual... thunder and lightning, the light of the full moon making everything silver and amazing, the sound of the thunder. It was all just about the ultimate in church lighting. Who needs candles?
Went back to the campfire and dug into the baked potatoes we'd left by the fire... yum. And some macaroni salad. We then participated in a Pathworking, which is a guided meditation. What did I learn through that exercise? That things in my life are still very, very scattered, and I probably need to stop trying to control them all. The more I TRIED to find visions in my pathworking the more scattered I was. The more I TRIED to make things happen, the less they happened. My God/dess speaks to me in not-so-mysterious ways.
After the Pathworking and gathering up a cold beverage or two, we went back and sat in front of the BIG campfire for the drumming circle. There weren't a ton of drummers but it was a good experience for S. in his first one, and he did a great job. I took my Rainstick and provided some background shaking and shshhhhhhshshshing. I hung in there until about 12:30 when I couldn't take it any more and had to go to bed... replay the entry from yesterday and that's how it ended up.
We left Sunday morning after a great breakfast and long goodbyes. :(
-------------------------
Now, what for other things? Work is going well but I just hate being looked at as if I'm short. Short-timer, that is. And unfortunately there's no other way for folks to look at me. The good thing is, at the same time they are asking me how all my projects are going, they are also giving me free reign to still run them the way I see fit. Even the interim CEO asked MY opinion yesterday about a couple of different things and then told me that my "vision" for the upcoming event was great and that I should "go with that." He didn't even want to see it again for additional approvals, he just told me I should go forward. Without knowing him it might not seem like that big of a deal, but that's huge. This man will find something to change about things every single time he looks at them. So that he trusts me to complete it is a huge testament.
Yesterday we got a phone call and an email from an apartment locator in Oklahoma City that I've been working with, and I think she has some good news for us. We had told her we were looking for: a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom, apartment, townhouse or loft, duplex, or small house, 1200 square feet+, enclosed patio on ground level, garages available, washer-dryer hookups, in a nice area, in the $800/month price range, that allows pets.
We've been coming up with lots of possibilities but none of them really hit home with us. Some of them were quite far from the base (not that it matters in particular but being able to shop at the commissary would be nice), some of them were in not-so-great areas, some of them were rather small. Many of the properties were 30-40 years old and looking a little bit run down.
Until now!
There's a brand new apartment complex being built that's 5 miles from the base in a low-crime "very nice neighborhood" (I looked it up, it's got 25% of the crime of other areas we'd looked at) and they have 3-bedroom units (1250sf) and garages and additional storage... w/d already in the unit... there's a fitness center, basketball court, swimming pool, hot tub, pets allowed (totally refundable pet deposit!) and they're running a military special. With the discount it'd be $911 a month, which is in our range. And they have high speed internet! And they have garages available! And they're BRAND NEW, we would be the first ones to live in the apartment!
AND IT'S FIVE MINUTES FROM TINKER AFB.
Rock the fuck on, would you? Get down with your bad self! So, I am going to try to call the complex today and get an application filled out... they only want a $300 deposit to hold an apartment until S. can get down there to see them for himself later this month, but if he likes it we're just going to take it.
I would have preferred a townhouse-style apartment, but without being able to look at all the areas of town and really see what's available, that might be rough. I have rented houses and I have owned a home for a while now, and the things about renting an apartment that appeal to me are: no lawn maintenance, 24-hour emergency maintenance, don't have to buy refrigerator, washer or dryer, they have a military clause so we could leave if we get moved again, don't have to pay for gas or water, blah, blah, blah. I want simple living, man. SIMPLE living. An apartment can provide that right now. I would never have considered WANTING to live in an apartment, but I'm kinda looking forward to it now.
So. Even if it's inching forward, this train is definitely moving. And thankfully, I am on board instead of being run over.
-------------------------
Finally, S. and I went on a date last night to Farrelli's Cinema Supper Club and saw King Arthur. Do you guys have anything like this where you live? We'd never been but we'd go back in a heartbeat. This would be an AMAZING place to take someone on a second or third date. We walked in, they asked if we had reservations (we did) and told us they'd be seating in about 15 minutes if we wanted to step into the lounge. We had a drink in the lounge and they didn't even ask us to start a tab... since they knew who we were (reservations) they just transferred the tab to our dinner. We were seated about half an hour before the movie started and perused the menu which had options for everyone and something for everybody, vegetarian options, meat options, American, Italian, all of it yum-o-rama. We shared an appetizer, ate til we were full, each had two drinks, AND got to see a first-run movie (which we would highly recommend)and the grand total was $85. That's not a bad deal if you consider our dinners were high quality food (for example, S. had a Top Sirloin Steak with balsamic reduction, garlic mashed potatoes, and a delicious vegetable medley for $16.95) and we ate so much we couldn't finish all of our meal. Excellent date fodder. We had a gift certificate for part of the total but still got out of there for a pittance.
We'd go back.
It's all good.
Feelin' groovy.
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Monday, August 02, 2004
SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS MAKES ME HAPPY
I'm running a little behind schedule (that happens when I have a very relaxing weekend and then have to get up and actually GO to WORK) so I won't be posting the recap of the weekend right this moment. I will share this one highlight, however.
2:30am Saturday night, post-drum-circle. I had gone to "bed" about two hours prior. We were sleeping in a military-issue two-man tent on the ground, no air mattress or anything of the sort. We had already moved the tent once because on Friday night, I had a rock underneath my back. We were sharing a lovely warm double-sleeping-bag.
S: Baby, you sleepin?
Me: Hurrrmmgmggguhfph.
S: Okay well, I'm coming to bed now. I love you.
Me: Love you too, honey. Was I sleeping? I'm cold.
S: Yeah, heard you snoring. C'mon over here.
Me: Are you sure? I feel a hole there.
S: I'm laying in the hole so you don't have to, c'mon over here.
Me: My pillow -
S: Come here, lay on my arm. (lays his arm out so I can curl up)
Me: You're warm.
S: Baby, I'll be your pillow and I'll be your warmth any time you need me.
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My job as a military wife is
to make it as easy as possible
for my beloved husband to do his job.
Where he leads, I will follow.
Name: Rose
Age: 36
Religion: Pagan
Husband: SSgt, USAF
Current Location: Tinker AFB, OK
Job: Self-Employed Transcriptionist
and Domestic Goddess
I am currently pimping:
Kasora Teas.
me @ consumating
I play Everquest II!
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