Welcome to my wonderful, terrible, soap opera sit-com world.
Monday, February 27, 2006
1) I have a dear friend who we haven't seen in a while, whom I miss very much, because now our schedules don't jive an I hardly even see her on IM any more just to chat.
2) I have cramps so bad I can hardly function.
3) And I still have to work, anyway.
4) I am also tired, fatigued, dragged out, pooped, or any other descriptive term for "really fucking tired."
5) Periods suck.
6) Did I mention I'm tired?
7) I am also tired.
8) This just in: I want a nap.
Saturday, February 25, 2006Cynical Girl, I present:
My Johari Window.
Go check it out and tell me what you think, okay? I'll do it back if you make one! I'll do it back!
Friday, February 24, 2006
As a result, that was holding up the EPR process here, since he's due a new one here also.
He just got it.
5/5, excellent, amazing, awesome, and very, very, very good, too.
And that's just another reason why I am so proud of my husband.
Hard work pays off. I think we're going to go have Thai tonight to celebrate.
And as much as I love my dear friends who I get to chat with and e-mail with each day, I know that although they love me and they understand me...
... there are things that they just don't UNDERSTAND ...
and that's not a bad thing. But if you have never gone through it, it's harder to wrap your brain around it.
And today, the recovering bulimic who's waiting for her period and suffering from a lot of stress, just wants to be understood.
Not even my husband will understand me, on a day like today.
So I have to wait until something changes, and in the meantime be appreciative for my friends, my "chosen family," who try to help me feel understood even though I know they aren't 100% sure where I "am" today.
I love you guys, thank you, and I'm sorry I'm a crazy nutball.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
BUT I am going to take a few minutes to connect and fill you in on what's going on!
First and foremost, it appears there is no bun in my oven. But that means I can have a glass of wine tonight, so it all works out.
Now. Remember all the happy joyful hubby's career stuff I was all excited about?
Now, I'm going to tell you what it was.
S. was made NCOIC in his section. And he's been doing that job now for about a month or so. In that time he's contributed to them getting off 12-hour shifts, and working 3 8's again, which happens starting this coming week. So my man will be working normal hours again, which makes me very happy.
I'm really proud of him that he's doing a great job, and he's getting accolades for doing the great job. So it's all good.
We had an ice/sleet storm here that iced us in for most of the weekend, but that's okay because it gave me time to rest my arm up and just get to feeling better.
The wine rack is almost done.. needs one more coat of stain and then it's ready to go. I certainly have enough wine here to put in it.
AND!! ON my birthday, I got a fabbo birthday card from Stacy which made me roll with laughter! A couple days after my birthday, I got a beautiful set of Reidel wine glasses from Christy along with the wish that I wouldn't be able to use them for 9 months or so. :-) And I got a lovely birth announcement/thank you card from Margi. I love getting things in the mail, and you guys truly brightened up my week. Thank you for being my friends, ladies.
(Did I thank you all for the birthday wellwishes? If I didn't, I should have. So thank you.)
Oogh, I've missed this blog! *clears out some cobwebs* How are all you guys doing??
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
So then I got behind on work and didn't do any typing all weekend.
I'm trying to get caught up on work so I can come fill you guys in on the other exciting parts of my life (*gag*), so don't change the channel. Okay??
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
It is now, for another month, 100% out of our hands. But according to the fertility chart, we timed everything just right.
Send the mojo! We are receving!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
I have a new white teddy bear (collect them) holding a heart-shaped box of Godiva truffles (there's probably four truffles in there) and a beautiful Harvest Bounty candle from Colonial Candle of Cape Cod.
Tonight, we are going up the street to the little Thai place to dine.
I may be cooking a baby, although I'm not willing to put all my eggs in that basket.
And I am bombarded with work.
So I just wanted to say. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO to all you guys and I hope you get some chocolate today (or the delicious, love-based confection of your choice).
Monday, February 13, 2006
I learned something on Sunday, when one of our military manly-man friends met me and my sexy husband up at the gun range.
1) I could kill a man.
2) But it would take me ten minutes.
3) He would have to be standing still.
4) About 15 yards from me.
5) And he should have black dots on him to demonstrate his vital areas, which I would shoot big holes in.
6) It would also help if he were blue against a white background. I'm just saying.
But, I could do it. And isn't that really the point?
Saturday, February 11, 2006
So last night, S. got home from work and I was being a hormonal, emotional wreck. I couldn't decide if we were going out to play pool or if we were staying home; if we were going here, going there, or going nowhere.
Finally we came to some type of an accord and agreed we would drive across town to go play pool with some friends in the local car club. It seemed like a good thing.
And then S. said, "Well if we're going to go out, then you should open your present." And he brought me a HUGE gift bag stuffed with multicolored tissue paper and told me to go to it.
... FLASHBACK! ...
Just before Christmas, we were in our local BX and S. asked me to smell a perfume. I told him I liked the smell and he told me he did too, that he'd been smelling it every time he came into the BX, and that he really liked it and hoped it would be something I could wear.
Then he said this: "If I tell you what it is, you have to promise you won't change your mind about whether or not you like it."
Thinking he was going to tell me it was a $9.00 Jovan Musk or something cheesy and cheap, I of course just agreed with him. Mainly because there are so perfumes I can actually wear any more due to my allergies, that I would probably be released from the tyranny of having to wear it anyway.
Well, I smelled it and - I adored it! It was a lovely feminine fragrance, not too flowery, not too sweet, not too saucy, just right. I really liked it. Kind of a young fragrance, but I am young at heart.
And then he said it.
"It's Britney Spears."
My world came crashing down around me! The BX started spinning and I started to see spots.
"You are fucking kidding me," I said with all ladylike, prim and proper class in the middle of the BX. "You have got to be fucking kidding me, that's Britney Spears?!"
Turns out, the Britney Spears fragrance Fantasy is a lovely smell, if you can get beyond her white trash face on every piece of marketing for it.
Well, I sprayed some on my inner arm knowing we were going to go see our amazing friend Kay and figured I'd let her tell me what she thought. We showed up and played the "you're never gonna believe this" game, and she loved the scent on me, and then keeled over when I told her "who" it was.
I did not get any Britney Spears perfume for X-mas.
... returning to reality ...
I did, however get some for MY BIRTHDAY!
I got Britney Spears: Fantasy (don't laugh, it smells really good and I don't have to tell anyone what I'm wearing, I am just going to call it "Fantasy"). I got 6 pair of Liz Claiborne snuggle/cuddle socks. 6 PAIRS! Now I have enough for one for every day of the week! And I got 2 DVD's, Wedding Crashers and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Mom also came through with Part I of her gift, which showed up yesterday -- $50 to PF Chang's, $25 to AMC Theatres (Kaching! Date night!), $25 to Home Depot so I can buy containers for my patio garden, and $15 to Starbuck's to fuel my caffeine addiction.
Now we're getting ready to go meet up with some folks for some Dim Sum downtown, and then tonight I am being taken out for sushi for my birthday.
And even though I put Britney on last night, I can still smell her this morning (and have no impending signs of sensitivity or allergy to having Britney on my skin).
So far, it is indeed, a happy birthday to me. Even though I'm finally starting to feel a little older.
Friday, February 10, 2006
No, it is not totally done, because tomorrow I turn 36. Thirty six, you guys. I'm going to be 36.
I don't feel 36. I don't look 36. I don't think I act 36.
But I am going to be, nonetheless, one year older than I was last year.
So, as a result, today I am MAYBE going to work a LITTLE bit in the morning. Maybe.
Then around noonish I am going to hop in the truck, head up the road, see if I can't find S. something sweet and lovely for V-day... and then I am going to go get myself a manicure and have my eyebrows waxed. And then I am going to stop at Sonic and get myself a Sweetheart Brownie Blast (small size, of course) as a delicious treat.
And then tonight, I don't know if we're going out for dinner or fending for ourselves around here or what.
Tomorrow, I understand, the hubby wants to take me out for breakfast AND dinner, so he may have something up his sleeve. I don't know, and fortunately for me, I'm not going to ask. I am only going to allow him to cater to my every need and desire this weekend.
And I am NOT GOING TO WORK.
Whew. If I say it enough, maybe I will start to believe it. What do you think?
This weekend will be filled with delights. A trip to the wine store, perhaps, for some more of my faves that I can still enjoy until I get PG. Lots and lots of EQII. Eating the foods I like and not worrying too TOO much about how bad they are for me, but still being conscious of how bad they are for me so I can show a little fat loss next week.
You know, all those things.
Plus, I'll look all hot and sexy with my new nails. Whee!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
2) Computer hasn't acted jacked up in 24 hours.
3) Perhaps my intolerance has to do with a pre-ovulation hormone imbalance. Where is that husband of mine?
4) The thing with the USAF that I was bitching about on Friday seems to have taken a turn towards resolution... but we'll see. Nothing's firm until the ink's dry, you know.
5) It's finally winter weather, here.
6) So why do I have a queasy, acidy stomach?
7) I am tired, and would like to go back to bed.
8) But I can't, as I have rush jobs I have to finish.
9) So I'm going back to work.
Monday, February 06, 2006
I'm also feeling worked up.
My Firefox is suddenly doing something wonky and I can't figure out why. And the fact that blogspot is having its own share of wonkiness that makes me wonder if it's my firefox being all wonky, is NOT HELPING THINGS.
My computer is periodically jacked, and I don't know why.
It is not a good day. I repeat, this day has already gone to shit. And it's only 9:00 a.m. God/dess help me.
Friday, February 03, 2006
I hate the Military Machine that tries to steamroll servicemen/women and their families into just randomly and stupidly accepting things because "it is the way it is" or "that's what we're telling you" or "you have no other recourse."
Goddamned hairbrained baa-baa sheep motherfuckers. Well, here's some news for you. There is always other recourse, and we're going to find whatever the fuck recourse it is.
Bend over. Because this thing you're trying to stick up our ass? Yeah, we're gonna ram it right up yours.
And no, I can't go into the details.
And no, everything is fine with S. It's just paperpushing bullshit that I will blog about when it is finally resolved (even though we have been dealing with it FOR A FREAKING YEAR AND TWO MONTHS ALREADY).
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Information about this project, what it is, what it means, and how to participate can be found here.
Information about this week's topic in particular is here.
This week topic is: Conclusion
I've done a lot of thinking about this. And I keep ending up on one memory, so we're gonna go with it. This is a previously un-shared story.
S. and I had been dating for about two months, exclusively. I had cut everyone else loose, and I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else. I was in that warm, comfortable, pink, fuzzy place that new lovers get to, when I was starting to think that maybe, I mean I was pretty sure anyway, that I could probably, if everything worked out, assuming there were no major complications, see myself with this one guy for what could really possibly be a long time. Wishy-washy much?
I had been hurt a lot of times before and wanted to take care of myself. I was still, despite being in the throes of falling in love, on the defensive.
And life, as it is wont to do, dealt us a hand and laughed its funny ha-ha, as the USAF sent S. off to school for about three weeks to Wichita Falls, TX.
Let me just clarify that after nearly three years of getting the hang of this military life, three weeks would be a walk in the park now, and very possibly (depending on the day) a little "welcome vacation" from each other. Periodic time apart makes us realize how much we love and miss one another.
I, at the time, wanted to believe that the three weeks apart (which I was convinced were going to be an eternity) were going to make his heart grow even fonder, and that he'd miss me, too.
We still talked on the phone nearly every night, even if it was just for a few minutes as we were heading off to bed. It was a comforting scenario and one that made me feel as if he were nearer than 1,000+ miles away.
That is, until one Friday night.
One Friday night, he had been out getting his drink on with some of his new buddies, and was giving me a call after returning to his room. And I was listening to him tell me all about the fun evening they'd had, and how it was so nice to be able to go back to his room and call me.
And that's when it started.
"I just think this thing we have, you and me, it's so cool," he said.
I, being every lovey-dovey and wanting desperately to hear something endearing, said, "What do you mean, 'this thing we have'?"
And that's when it ended.
"You know, just this whole thing. It's not like we have to be too serious, we're just doing our thing, you know, doing what we want to do, without any real pressure, or commitment or anything, we're just doing it."
I lost it.
Suddenly, I was that 33-year-old chubby girl that no one would ever want. I was the damaged goods. I was the wilted head of lettuce in the bottom of the crate that wouldn't even be "produce" if the first few brown leaves were peeled off the top. I was never going to find anybody. And I was angry.
"Goddammit," I said, "what the hell. WHAT THE HELL. What do you mean, no commitment? What do you mean, no pressure? What do you mean, we're doing our thing and we aren't serious?"
He was silent. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, and I wasn't going to cry. You know, except that I was already crying. Too late.
"Look, I don't know what you think it is we're DOING, here, but I don't have the time. I don't have the time for immature macho man spreading-wild-oats bullshit. I am too old to wait around for you to reach some sort of conclusion about whether or not you can 'see yourself' in a relationship."
He was still silent.
"You want to know what I thought I was DOING here? I thought I was forming a relationship with someone. And if you can't see yourself with me and you can't see yourself building some kind of life with me, then why should I wait for you to pull your head out of your ass? I want a relationship, and a life with someone, and if that's not in your field of vision then I don't even know why I'm fucking bothering with you."
Still, with the silence.
"You'd better make up your mind. Because I am not just in this to 'have fun' and 'not commit' and 'do my own thing.' If 'my thing' and 'your thing' aren't the SAME THING, then I have no use for this bullshit."
At this point I wish I could say there was silence, but there wasn't. There was the sound of me sobbing, pissed off and angry at the world, and especially angry at S.
Thankfully, he finally did speak up. He started explaining that he had said the wrong thing. It wasn't what he meant to say. He didn't mean it like that.
But I was done having the conversation, and we were just going to have to sleep on it. Both of us.
Thankfully, and by that I mean I am grateful every day of my life, the next day we got on the same page and about 9 months later, were handfasted (and 2 months after THAT, we were married).
But I've never been more scared in my life, when demanding someone quit riding the fence and come to a conclusion.
My job as a military wife is
to make it as easy as possible
for my beloved husband to do his job.
Where he leads, I will follow.
Husband: SSgt, USAF
Current Location: Tinker AFB, OK
Job: Self-Employed Transcriptionist
and Domestic Goddess
I am currently pimping:
me @ consumating
I play Everquest II!
Iksar Necromancer, Kithicor
We're trying for a baby!
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